Our Manifesto

A spectre is haunting America — the spectre of bad soccer analysis. All the Powers of Corporate America have entered into a holy alliance to ruin the beautiful game. Where is the true fan who has not complained about the ignorance of these media powers? Where is the soccer lover who has not dreamt of slaying Tommy Smyth with his own two hands everytime the most irritating of phrases — “auld onion bag” –  is uttered in his ridiculous Irish accent that somehow hasn’t changed one bit despite living in the US for 45 years?!  Where is the futbol lover who hasn’t been totally bewildered by the incomprehensible colloquialisms and childish yelping of Ray Hudson? — “Aye, aye, aye!” does not count as commentary!

For all those who have shared in our pain and dreams, we have created No More Onion Bags.  We aim to be an outlet, resource and discussion center for true soccer/football/futbol fans based in the United States (US natives and expats alike)  who:

  • - Cannot stand American coverage of the game – on TV, in the print and online media.
  • - Enjoy foreign coverage, but would love an outlet that talked to them as fans following the beautiful game from afar.
  • - Want a place to turn to for analysis of the game and how it was delivered to our shores—not just a report on the game, but on GolTV announcer Ray Hudson’s homo-erotic comments about Ivan de la Pena’s “big beautiful eyes” or ESPN’s wanton stupidity of scrolling the final score of the game you’re watching on delay along the bottom of the screen (I mean, really).
  • - Have the special ability to get out of bed at 8am on a Saturday morning, travel to a bar and pay a $20 bar entrance fee only to see Ireland lose to Cyprus or England draw with Israel but think it all worthwhile because they get to feast on rashers and pudding, or to sneak out of work early to see Uruguay lose to Paraguay (again, despite having far more players in Europe, don’t get me started), because you get to feel like you’re in an exclusive club, even if you’re squished against a bar.
  • - Is not enlightened by Fox Football Fone In displaying a a text message from Vishu in Bangalore saying that ‘Manchester sucks, Liverpool r da best. (We also cringe when we see Americans who say their favorite team is just “Manchester.” We want to be supportive, but really.)

We hold these truths to be self evident (just a sampling about how we feel about things):

  • - Just because someone scored does not mean he had a great game.  A couple of tap-ins does not make a “two-goal hero.”  Really, we can’t stress this enough.
  • - Xavi was one of the best players in the world long before the summer of 2008. It’s just sad that central midfielders who aren’t responsible for scoring never get enough credit.  Just try coaching or captaining a team and see how you feel about things then.
  • - Steven Gerrard loses the ball way, way too many times.  Yes, he scores the occasional screamer, but it doesn’t make up for all the times he loses the ball.  Just watch.
  • - David James has been the best English keeper over the last 4 years. If the press had come up with as clever a headline as ‘Calamity James’ for all Paul Robinson’s mistakes than James would never have been dropped.
  • - Just because someone has a foreign accent, doesn’t mean he can skip the interview for the color commentator job.  He still needs to have a clue.
  • - It’s not possible to watch this and not be reminded of how happy the beautiful game makes you http://johnprolly.blogspot.com/2008/07/goal.html
  • - Conceding a goal just before half time is not the worst time to concede. You have 15 minutes to plan on how you’re going to come back from the goal and a whole 45 minutes to do so. Conceding in the 90th minute is the worst time to concede.
  • - MLS is something you want to love, and that you like in principle, but watching it makes you think that they are using a different type of ball, one that is much more bouncy and difficult to control.  And then you realize it’s not the ball, and you feel a little ridiculous about watching any more.
  • - The greater the number of badge kisses, the more likely the player will ‘do one’ when he gets a better offer.
  • - Jose Mourinho is a ****

These are just a sampling of our feelings.  If you share some of these sentiments, you might enjoy reading this blog.  In general, we will cover England’s Premiership, La Liga of Spain, major international competitions, and a sprinkling of the Champions League.  And, as one of our favorite announcers, Luis Omar Tapia says (in Spanish) each time the ref blows the opening whistle: “Let’s begin, with the most beautiful game in the world!”

Now, check out our blog!