The Most Important World Cup Lineup of All
// May 27th, 2010 // Uncategorized
Sorry to be late in posting this, but ESPN announced its staff of announcers for the 2010 World Cup, all of whose games will be on ESPN, ESPN2, or ABC (and on Univision in Spanish — more on that later). First and foremost:
- NO TOMMY SMYTH!!!!!!!!! — at least on TV that is. He’s been banished to radio coverage, along with America’s own JP Dellacamara. Thank God. Thank effing God. Remind me to destroy all my radios.
And here are your winners in the category of People Selected As ESPN 2010 World Cup Announcers:
- Martin Tyler — just a great voice and a great announcer. Apparently he’s going to be ESPN’s lead man. Kudos to them. I need to figure out how to get Martin Tyler’s voice on my answering service.
- Adrian Healey — good voice, largely knows his stuff, kind of a standard “I sound smart because I’m British” thing going on. He’s fine.
- Ian Darke – we’ve heard him on FSC or Setanta this year (I forget which one, to be honest) and he also has a great voice, particularly when he gets excited. He’s a bit of a British homer though, and no stranger to comments such as “you don’t often see THAT, from a player the quality of Steven Gerrard.” Sorry, Ian, but Gerrard does THAT a lot.
- Derek Rae — I am not a huge fan. He’s got a good voice, with a light Scottish accent, but his comments are pretty banal. And I think the’s spent so much time with Tommy Smyth that he’s had all the intelligence and interestingness driven out of him. I’m only surprised he still has the will to live.
ESPN has also announced the additional commentators who will be providing color for each game:
- John Harkes – former U.S. national team player and captain. He sucks. I mean, he is just terrible. He will color commentate (is that a word?) for every US team game, which is what he does worse than anything, since he simply refuses to give real criticism of another Team USA player. Oh, yeah, let’s not forget that when he was USA captain, this jerk slept with teammate Eric Wynalda’s wife. Way to support family values, Disney.
- Robbie Mustoe – former Middlesbrough player and ESPN commentator. He’s been on ESPN2 a lot this season, much of in-studio, where he has had to put up with Tommy. I’ve enjoyed him.
- Efan Ekoku – former Nigerian international. He sure doesn’t sound Nigerian — more like Mancunian. I haven’t heard him more than a few times, but he seems fine, if a bit blah. Actually, he puts me to sleep. I’m just not sure if it’s his slow, long Northern English accent or that he has nothing interesting to say.
- Ally McCoist – former Scottish international player. Now he’s got a Scottish accent. No opinion yet.
So, let’s do a little math. Four play-by-play announcers, all of whom are British. Four color commentators, three of whom are British. One American out of eight, and it’s John fricking Harkes? Can’t we develop some local talent? I guess ESPN is overcompensating for the horror show that was 2006, which featured way to much Dave O’Brien (the guy who knew absolutely nothing about soccer and who called Cristiano Ronaldo, “Christian Ronaldo”), JP Ofthebedroom (Dellacamara), Tommy Smyth, Marcelo Balboa, etc.
That was in contrast to the three excellent team that Spanish-language Univision gave us in 2006, and they are barely deviating from those wonderful combinations this year, when we will get:
- Pablo Ramirez and Jesus “El Profe” Bracamontes — I like, don’t love Ramirez, but El Profe is the best color commentator in the history of televised soccer in the United States. He LOVES the game, and is very prone to expressions of joy: “pero que BUENO la manera en que el controla el balon…” If you don’t speak Spanish, it’s worth learning it so you can enjoy El Profe.
- Jorge Perez Navarro and Jose Luis Chilavert — yes, that Chilavert. The excitable Paraguayan former goalkeeper is terrific in the booth. Perez Navarro is fine.
- Team #3 – I’m still trying to get confirmation, but it appears that my favorite announcer ever, the Argentine Bruno Vain, who was part of Univision’s third team in 2006, will not be back. Sob. The good news is that it appears that he will be replaced by a team of Jorge Ottati, the Uruguayan who does Telefutura games (as announcer) and Diego Balado, who is Argentine (as the color man). Ask any Spanish speaker: Argentines and Uruguayans are the best announcers.
So, there you have it. The English language commentary will be much improved, but there’s really a lot more fun to be had over on Univision. You’ve been meaning to learn Spanish, any way, haven’t you?
Posted by Lazar
20 Responses to “The Most Important World Cup Lineup of All”
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I just wonder if you get the Fox Sports Channel in Spanish with the fantastic Argentinian anouncers Niembro and Klose? They are very good, and very knowlegeable.
I’ve always liked Ian Darke on Sky Sports in the UK. He’s primarily a boxing commentator and so doesn’t cover the main matches (Martin Tyler gets those). As for ‘Super’ (S)Ally….oh dear. Shame ITV still employ Andy Townsend. His and Ally’s expert half-time banter during the Champions League was best served with the mute button pressed
A little more on ESPN’s additional commentators :
Efan Ekoku
Erudite, will pleasantly suprise the audience as the tournament unfolds.
Ally McCoist
Ladies man, will probably desert the audience early on having scored.
John Harkes
Risible, but will not blame the audience for Ally’s thrusting tackle.
Robbie Mustoe
Banal, will do well to keep the audience from slipping into narcosis.
A little more on Radio Shack :
Bargin Basement
At $5, World radio’s in three different colours, capable of picking up Tommy Smyth at any time of day or night. Guaranteed to last until the end of the tournament.
John Harkes is the absolute worst — worse than Tommy Smyth, even. His chauvinism for the US team is so bad that he barely acknowledges the opposition beyond giving their meaningless FIFA ranking and reading off which player plays in the Premiership. His condescension is all the more annoying when the US plays friendlies against teams that are actually better than them. Watching the game against the Czechs, you might have thought the US was just trying out their B team against some banana republic just happy to be playing in the footballing mecca of East Hartford. I’m sure Harkes thinks resting Landon Donovan is far more of a disadvantage than resting Tomas Rosicky (if he even knows who that is).
The Brit announcers are more knowledgeable but their pronunciation of non-English names is diabolical. I guess turning Sneijder into “Shnider” is some sort of overcompensation for years of botching Schweinsteiger. (Different language, lads.) And stressing the first syllable in Wigan manager Martinez’s name drives me nuts. The Spanish announcers are much much better at pronunciation, no matter the language.
By far my favorite announcer is Roger Valdivieso, the guy who does the Argentina league games for FSC in English. Despite a Boca bias he makes absolutely no attempt to hide, he’s very knowledgeable, funny was hell, and knows when to be quiet. During Boca games, he often carries on a one-sided conversation with Riquelme (“Roman, will you shoot? Or go left–what will you do?”). One time, he announced “that shot was so bad, we won’t be showing the replay and I’ve asked the producer to destroy the tape.”
Sign him up, ESPN!
It kind of pisses me off when Americans commentate in a football match because all they can talk about is the US. I swear one game, the US was losing, and the commentators were still praising the players when they played horrible, and I’m pretty sure it was that John Harkes guy too.
Dellacamara does not mean “of the bedroom”. You are mistaking the Italian “camera”
On the Univision announcers… I don’t know if you speak Spanish but the “star” team is absolutely crap and I’ve noticed that they get some occasional love from non-Spanish speaking Americans. The only reason I can think of is because they present such a contrast to American commentators like David O’Brien or Dellacamara in terms of obvious passion or simply shouting.
Regardless, I realize that soccer commentators are like bands, i.e. everyone has their favorite to hate/love but Ramirez is really like Nickelback in that respect. A band everyone can hate. He is terrible. Oh let me count the ways.
1) Torito Silva plays for America of Mexico. Every time he gets the ball, Ramirez immediately launches into a weird breathless repetition of his nickname as if he was being chased by a bull. No idea why.
2) If a team happens to hit the post, he has a set stock phrase that last about 20 seconds, by which time the other team has counterattacked and reached the opposing penalty area.
3) His maddening penchant for describing a player’s boots, gloves, hair and jewelry. He continually does this.
I will say he is somewhat knowledgeable but give me Andres Cantor every single time.
Just got back from the game in philly. The turks sitting behind me were talking mad trash in english but anytime the usa looked good they would revert to hushed turkish tones amongst themselves. It felt good after the game to wish them good luck in the world cup this summer in South Africa.
Rusty, I’m sure your new Turkish friends would be heading to the WC too if their team had been given Concacaf group free pass that the US gets every tournament. Instead, Turkey were drawn in a group with Spain in which only one team was guaranteed to go through. Would the US have done any better?
I thought the US played really well in the second half after they took off Spec(at)tor, brought on Torres and pulled Dempsey back into midfield. The link up between the lines improved dramatically. Altidore and Donovan both looked pretty sharp.
Looks like England have signed up OG, who was so prolific for United this season. Scored through two own goals against Japan.
Unless you don’t know spanish at all, please avoid watching the World Cup on UNIVISION.
Pablo Ramirez and Jesus Bracamonte are the worst spanish commentators ever.
Not a fan of Derek Rae? He’s by far the best voice to ever grace an American-produced soccer telecasts, and was by far the biggest loss to American television as a result of ESPN losing the Champions League rights. Rae/Smyth is a legendary pair, imo, like it or not.
Rae/Smyth are indeed legendary; but to me, only for the evil they have wrought. I’m glad you like them, though. Apparently, there were people that liked Idi Amin, too.
Lazar
Glad you like Martin Tyler so much. Kind of have egg on your face the man does not know the offside rule.Martin the world beat announcer was caught with his pants down today and looked like an asshole when he did not correct his partner on a goal call.So much for your hatred of other announcers you probaley did not even notice the mistake. You need to take your head out of Tylers ass and listen. if you dont belive me just read the net.
If Tommy Smyth or John hHarkes or anybody else made a mistake as glaring as this pair of brits did in a world cup opening match you would want them deported. So now be man enough and tell us that your love dad Martin really screwed up.
It’s a fair point, but I wouldn’t know because I was watching the game in Spanish (watching Mexico on Univision, which is a Mexican channel masquerading as an American one is kind of a must). Interestingly, the color guy on Univision, Jesus Bracamontes, was quick to call it a good call, even though it went against his own team. More interesting to hear that Tyler messed it up. Nice catch.
I’ll be watching some of the games in English tomorrow and will let you know my verdict on Tyler.
Do British announcers ENJOY mispronouncing Spanish names? Or any name that ends in “os?” Dear God…it’s not Sergio Ramoss…it’s not Roberto Carloss (yes, this has been bugging me for that long)…I know there’s a long “o” in the English language, because I use it from time to time. How difficult would it be to hear that you’re mispronouncing a common name and show some respect to another human being by pronouncing it, or at least attempting to pronounce it correctly. It’s mostly only the Brit announcers.
Yes. In job interviews, British announcers that come even close to correct pronunciation of Spanish/Latin surnames are dismissed out of hand. There’s a tradition to uphold.
I agree that the mispronunciation of names is a disgrace. The American and Brit commentators continually mispronounce the last name of Miroslav Klose. It’s not Kloh-sah; it’s Kloh-zah.
These commentators come across as disrespectful twits who don’t give a rip about other cultures.
True indeed. When I was a kid, I used to watch Italian on RAI International (channel 25 in NYC) with my dad. Those announcers got every name right. You know why? Because they cared about it and prepared. Not rocket science.
During the Italy/Slovakia game earlier in the tournament, the ESPN announcers (I think it was Ian Darke and John Harkes) just BUTCHERED the Italian players’ names. They were especially creative with Fabio Quagliarella – they managed to pronounce his name at least 5 different ways that I could count.
Dear Lazar: FYI, Channel 25 in NYC STILL runs the Sunday RAI feed of Serie A every week. Not only do they show a whole match with no halftime break, but they cut in to show every goal in every match played at the same time (they break in heralded by “The William Tell Overture,” too, which is also funny.) I was watching long enough ago for those announcers to get “Liam Brady” right when he was the only ‘straniero’ on Juventus. Brady was my favorite player when I was an exchange student in Ireland in 1978-79, and
Arsenal was ‘the Irish’ team in England (3 Rep Ireland internationals and 3 Northern Irish ones).