Archive for November, 2009

Men Versus Boys

// November 30th, 2009 // 17 Comments » // Uncategorized

There was a moment in the 74th minute of the Arsenal-Chelsea game yesterday, the summed up the match for me.  Branko Ivanovic was dribbling up the right wing when little Andre Arshavin attempted to tackle him head-on.  Instead of causing the right back any trouble, little Andre kind of bounced off of him and went flying backwards.  (I couldn’t find a clip, but if you saw the game you’ll remember it — it was pretty shocking.)   I hate to say it, but it was a sad and pathetic scene.  As was the match.  Chelsea were just physically too much for Arsenal.  Yes, Arsenal were unlucky at times, but their little magicians could not hold up against the Essien, Mikel, Terry and Ivanovic types.  Oh yeah, and Drogba and Anelka – they’re big, too.

We saw a little bit of the same thing in the Barcelona-Madrid superclasico last night.  The first half was a real physical war, with the newly athletic Madrid — Cristiano, Diarra, Higuiain, Kaka (one forgets how big and strong he is) — out-muscling Barca.  But then Barca brought on its Big Boy Zlatan, who did his thing, as well as The Most Elegant Large Man in the World, Yaya Toure.  (Sometimes I wonder if Yaya does everything with unnecessary elegance.  Does he brush his teeth with just his thumb and forefinger holding the toothbrush, pinky finger sticking up in the air, perhaps?) 

Barca actually went down to ten men for the last 30minutes, but it didn’t matter, because they had played the first 50 minutes with ten men plus The Walking Corpse of Thierry Henry.  Jeez, it must be tough playing soccer with a giant fork sticking out of your back.  He is completely useless.  Luckily, Madrid decided to play with ten men of their own for the final stretch — they brought on Raul, who is aaaalllllmost as bad as Henry at this point.

Posted by Lazar

The Triumph of the Good

// November 25th, 2009 // 6 Comments » // Uncategorized

Okay, so obviously, as a Barca supporter, I’m not the most objective person in the world.  However, I think most soccer fans worldwide will recognize the significance of last night’s 2-0 win over Inter Milan in the Champions League.  Barca were coming off a weekend where they lost their lead in La Liga, and if they lost to Inter, would be in serious danger of not qualifying for the next round of the CL.  Oh, and Messi and Ibrahimovic, their two leading scorers, were both out, as was Yaya Toure — that’s three players on this year’s 30-man shortlist for the Ballon D’Or.

So what happened?  Total domination, pretty much from the get-go.  When Barca scored on 10 minutes, it already seemed like they deserved at least that much of a lead.  The second goal, on 26 minutes, however, was the one that pretty much summed up what is different about the two teams.  It’s not that Barca have better players (they probably do, but without Messi and Ibra, it’s not like the talent level was thaaaat different); rather, it’s the choices that the coaches make.  Just look:

Obviously, Xavi and Dani Alves are great players, but, their decisions here are easy, and their technique is pretty basic.  Xavi sees Alves’s run right in front of him, and the throughball is his only choice.  The reason it works is because Barca’s coach has decided to play in the other team’s half, and to give his fullbacks the freedom to make runs. 

(I have to say, though, that my favorite part of the play is watching Thierry Henry throw a momentary hissyfit when he thinks that Alves has miss-hit a pass that should have gone to him.  Watch the jerk quickly throw his hands up in disgust.  It’s hard to see in this clip, but he makes a nasty face, too.)

I just don’t understand Mourinho.  How can you really expect to win games playing with four defensive midfielders?  And his big change at halftime was to take off Cambiasso and put on Muntari.  Really?  Sully Muntari is going to change the game?  Is there anyone in the entire world who thought, “Hmmn, nice move there by Mourinho — this should really turn things around.” 

Poor Eto’o.  He’s probably wondering if turning down the Barca contract extension was such a good idea.  The Inter forwards are so alone they probably have to go directly from the game to their counseling sessions.

Posted by Lazar

I Watched the MLS Final…

// November 23rd, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

… and had a fairly good time doing it!  Except for the first 40 minutes, which were beyond atrociously boring.  But, that’s really kind of normal for a big game, when teams are tight to start.  And again, Seattle put on a nice show – I will definitely make sure to catch a game in that stadium if I’m ever out there.

It was almost as fun as DJ Hero

It was almost as fun as DJ Hero

I was thrilled when Clint Mathis came on early after David Beckham swept the leg against one of the Real Salt Lake midfielders, knocking the poor guy out of the game.  By the way, that team name is absurd and annoying.  Real means “royal” in Spanish, and there is nothing royal about Salt Lake City.  I mean, for goodness sake, the United States was founded on an anti-royalty philosophy!  I mean, do people even realize that it’s a Spanish word?  Do they think it refers to the hip-hop culture idea of “keeping it real”?  If so, that’s also wrong, because Salt Lake City is in Utah, and if there is one place where it’s not being kept real, at least in the hip-hop sense — it’s definitely rizzeal over there in the Mormon sense – it’s Utah.  (It’s almost as ridiculous as the fact that the Utah basketball team is called the Utah Jazz — the team moved from New Orleans, the birthplace of jazz, and they never changed the name.  You should have to change your name when you move to a place where the nickname no longer applies.  The LA Lakers, for instance — they came from Minnesota, the “Land of 1,000 Lakes.”  Are there any lakes in L.A.?  No, yet they keep the name.   Absurd.  It should be the LA Pacific Oceans. Or the LA Smog. Or the LA Fake Breasts.  But, I digress.)

Where was I?  Right, at about 41 minutes the game got good.  First, a really nice goal for the Milky Way, where Golden Balls David Beckham (worst. haircut.  ever.) played a ball to Golden Boy Landon Donovan, who dropped a lovely cross to the far post for Mike Magee to score the opener.  The second half was a lot more fun, as the Galaxy really started showing their age, and the Salt Lake midfield began to dominate.  Dreadlocked Jewish midfielder Kyle Beckerman (yeah, boyee!) and Clint “could have been the greatest US player ever if he wasn’t such a prick” Mathis pretty much ran the game after the Galaxy goal, and RSL could have score a bunch of times.  They also brought on an Argentine named Fabian Espindola who was a LOT better than ther two strikers they had started the game with.  There should be a rule in MLS that if you are only 24 years old and you’ve played for Boca Juniors, you have to start every game.  I mean, really.

Then extra time, which was tight, then penalties.  Poor Landon Donovan.  I had just listened earlier in the day to a podcast he did with Bill Simmons, who asked him how he was so good at taking penalty kicks.  They literally talked about it for about five minutes.  Of course, Donovan didn’t even get his shot on target, and the Galaxy ended up losing.

In sum, the game was more fun than I expected, at least in the second half.  The skill level is still pretty low, and the amount of long balls is still way too high.  It kind of felt like a bottom of the table game from the England First Division (now called the Prem) from the early 1980s.  With longer shorts.  And fewer mustaches.

Posted by Lazar

The 5 Stages of Grief

// November 22nd, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

I’ve eventually moved out of Stage 2 (Anger) and now wavering between Stage 3 (Bargaining) and Stage 4 (Depression). I think it will be a long time before I actually reach stage 5 (acceptance) though this video helps just a little…

 

posted by Cass

‘Hand of Frog’ – Understanding the Backlash

// November 20th, 2009 // 17 Comments » // Uncategorized

I didn’t think it would be too long before the anti Irish backlash backlash started. Much like those @ssholes in school who thought they were cool by being the first person to turn against Oasis/Backstreet Boys, there’s always some smug idiot who thinks they’re cleverer than everybody else.

Lazar did a pretty excellent job summarising how painful the defeat was, but as with everything, the context is important. First up is the general shitty state of the country. Forget the economic depression in the US, Ireland has suffered worse than any other country. The London Times reported in April that Ireland has suffered the greatest decline in economic growth of any industrialized nation since the Great Depression. House prices have dropped as low as 33% of what they were 2 years ago in many places. Unemployment rate is currently a whopping 13% and generally it’s been one big depressing moan fest for the last few years. Feeling sorry for us yet? And, it’s rained every single day for the last 482 (possibly) too. As a country we really really needed something to take our minds off everything and something to unite the country. 2 million people tuned into RTE to watch the second leg against France. That’s 2 million out of a population of 4 million.

When we qualified for our first World Cup in 1990, it has been argued many times by respected economists that this was a significant factor in kickstarting the Celtic Tiger. The confidence of being represented on the World stage, the pride in competing equally with global powers (in both a footballing and non footballing sense) really changed the country. You can’t underestimate the effects of the entire country coming together to support their heroes. People who have no interest in Soccer can still sing our songs from that tournament to this day and it really was one of the defining moments in our history.

When FIFA realized that France, Germany and Cristiano Ronaldo might end up in the playoffs and decided to change the rules at the last moment by seeding the playoffs it was a real kick in the teeth. Forget about Fair Play or equal playing fields, it’s all about FIFA keeping their sponsors happy, maximising TV revenues and making money. Forget the fact that Ireland would bring ten times more fans to South Africa than France would, they have a bigger TV market and Michel Platini is French. How could the fact that the direct employees of the Swedish referee team, the people who have the power to make or break the referee have outwardly expressed their preference for France to prevail not affect at some level the referee’s judgement (consciously or subconsciously)?

On to the game itself. Nobody gave us any hope of going to Paris and being the first European team to ever turn around a home leg playoff deficit. How could our motley crew of Premiership reserves and nobodies compete with the Champions League Galacticos of the French team? But they more than competed. We actually outplayed them. Courage isn’t about going up for a header with John Terry or slide tackling Joey Barton. Courage is about having the conviction and the belief to get on the ball and outplaying a vastly technically superior and experienced team. The French were cowards, frightened by their own fickle fans, while the Irish gave their everything in front of 25,000 travelling supporters who outsung the French the whole way through. And then he cheated.

Anybody who says it’s not Henry’s fault, it’s the refereee’s fault, or that if it happened to Ireland we would have done the same thing is just wrong. Wrong Wrong WRONG. If football was reduced to one fundamental rule, it’s that you can’t use your hands. And Henry (one of the biggest stars of the World game), being marked by Paul McShane (one of the worst players in the Premiership) cheated. It wasn’t like the ball hit his hand and he played the advantage. He stuck his hand out to stop the ball going out of play. He then used his hand a second time to position it so he could knock it across the goal for Gallas to score. This isn’t about instinct or things evening themselves out. This is about a double cynical cheat to end a lot of people’s dreams. Forget his subsequent admissions of guilt after the game. The fact that he wheeled away in delight with that smug look on his face says it all. So what if after the game he admitted he handled it. We can all see he handled it and him admitting it after the game doesn’t change anything. A better man would not have handled it in the first place, would have told the referee (this actually happens more than you think – remember Robbie Fowler protesting over a penalty he was awarded), or at least would have been too embarasseed to celebrate.

The reaction in Ireland (and around the World) has been staggering. Everybody from the Football Association of Ireland to our Taoiseach (prime minister) have called for a replay. 80% of French residents think a replay should take place. The French Gym Teachers Union have condemmed Henry and criticized his cheating. A facebook group asking for a replay has already had 260,000 members join. There’s protest marches taking place in Dublin tomorrow, marching to the French Embassy. Upon being informed of the protest, An Garda (the Irish Police) have said they will join the march too.

We all know we’re not going to get a replay, but all the protesting isn’t about that. We don’t want people to feel sorry for us either, we’ve had enough of that over the years. What we do want is to stand up to the corruption and greed that favors the big and powerful over the small. And we want to save football. Cheating is not acceptable. Cheating is not right. Cheating is ruining the game and cheats shouldn’t prosper. Anybody who says differently is wrong and missing some element of being human.

Sign the petition, Join the Facebook Group, We Shall Overcome!

Posted by Cass

Level I Loss: Guillotine + Stomach Punch

// November 19th, 2009 // 11 Comments » // Uncategorized

One of our favorite sportswriters, Bill Simmons, famously categorized the 13 Levels of Losing.  The taxonomy runs from Level 13, when a plucky underdog leads against a favorite for an entire game, slowly getting their fans to believe despite their initial doubts, only to lose to the favorite in the final minutes in a crushing defeat that is only crushing because the underdog had gotten its fans to believe during the actual game that a win was possible.  (This level is known as the Princeton Principle, for that team’s regular defeat along these lines in the first round the NCAA college basketball championship tournament.)  The pain of defeat gets worse through Level 6, “The Full-Fledged Butt-Kicking”, when you expect a great even matchup in an important game, spend weeks getting excited about your team’s chances, only for them to be absolutely destroyed from the first minute (think Barcelona losing 4-0 to AC Milan in the 1994 Champions League final).

Levels 3 and 2 are known as Guillotine and Stomach Punch losses, which refer to a games where you somehow just know that the other shoe is inevitably going to drop and something horrible will befall your team (the Guillotine), and some almost unprecedented and incredibly unfair event occurs that leaves you in stunned disbelief (the Stomach Punch).

Someones been hit in the tummy

Someone's been hit in the tummy

The extremely rare Level 1 Loss actually combines these two types of defeats, and I am sad to say that we saw one of these last night in the second leg of France-Ireland.  You might argue that the defeat for Ireland featured every horrible aspect of all the levels of losing.  You had a) a plucky underdog, b) a plucky underdog not just hanging in there but truly dominating the entire game, c) the agonizing missed chances that would have put the game away for Ireland — the O’Shea and Duff misses, d) the fact that Ireland overpower France on the Players Who Aren’t Totally Unappealing to Root for Scale (I’m looking at you, William Gallas) , e) France’s atrociously too-tight jerseys (what is up with that?); f) the fact that you just knew something bad would happen to Ireland all game (the Guillotine), and g) the Stomach Punch of all Stomach Punches, the double-offside and double-handball non-calls in extra time, leading to the goal that kept Ireland from going to the World Cup.

Yikes.  How does an Irish fan recover?  I’ll admit that I am a little nervous about talking to Cass.  Do I mention the game?  Do I pretend that it didn’t happen, so as not to bring him down again?  Maybe I should see how he’s feeling about the chances of health care reform in the Senate?  What’s worse is that the poor guy is set to go to South Africa next summer.  Is that like having tickets to the final of the Miss Universe contest in which the girl that just viciously dumped you is one of the favorites to win?  Poor guy.

Posted by Lazar

What to Watch: World Cup Playoffs

// November 13th, 2009 // 6 Comments » // Uncategorized

By the end of Wednesday night we will know who the final World Cup teams are and who is going to the finals of Top Chef.   Now, it’s clear that the home-and-home playoffs set for this Saturday and next Wednesday have nothing on the Top Chefs matchups — I mean, really, the fourseom of the Voltaggio brothers, Kevin and Jen have more talent than France or Portugal, and they can actually perform under pressure.  Nevertheless, here’s what you should be watching:

Saturday

Ireland v France, 3pm – I won’t make the mistake of dressing in green again when I join Cass and his crass, yet well-dressed friends at the bar for this game.  Drinking is a must for this one, as the Trap O’Tonnis will be out to defend, defend, defend, and France, despite boasting lots of well-groomed stars, are inexplicably boring to watch.  At least we’ll get good commentary from the RTE announcers.

Portugal v Bosnia, 3:30pm – No Crissy for this one.  Bosnia are better than you think, with real stars like Edin Dzeko, should-be-playing-for-the-USA Nevad Ibisevic, and the guy who is the new #10 for Lyon, Mirolem Pjanic.  If you haven’t seen Pjanic play yet, watch out — he’s nasty. 

Costa Rica v Uruguay, 9pm – Really, I’m just hoping that Uruguay makes it out of this one alive.  San Jose’s Saprissa stadium is a tough place to play, both for the fans and the fact that they play on artificial grass.  We need to get out of this no worse than 1-0, so we can go home on Wednesday and have people make lots of noise outside the Costa Ricans’ hotel on Thursday night/early morning, keeping them from getting any sleep.  That is how we roll.

Posted by Lazar

GFFABM – now go drink a beer

// November 10th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Thank Mother Nature that I can watch GolTV in Spanish instead of English.  I tell you, Barcelona look a LOT prettier without the constant Ray Hudson shrill in your ear.  The only problem with watching games in Spanish is that Spanish-langague announcers almost have too much fun sometimes.  Omar Tapia, the new lead guy for GolTV is basically having a party in the booth these days — the other guy, whose name I keep forgetting (he is that unremarkable) is just struggling to keep up.  Tapia practically had an orgasm when Zlatan dropped this pass on Mallorca on Saturday.  He went off for about five minutes, after which the other guy was like “it’s true, he does have good feet for a big man.”  I have a personal rule that whenever I hear an announcer use the infamous GFFABM expression, I must chug the nearest beer.  Since this was Spanish, I let it go, but I’ve been feeling guilty all week…

 

Posted by Lazar

Evil Has a Name: Elizabeth Lambert

// November 6th, 2009 // 7 Comments » // Uncategorized

As is the Friday norm in Casa Lazar, I sat on my sofa this morning eating my standard mix of granola and wheat flakes cereal, sipping my french sludge coffee, watching SportsCenter on mute, while listening to National Public Radio, and leafing through the NY Times weekend section (I am a fabulous multi-tasker, and I have no qualms celebrating that fact publicly).  Yet I almost choked on one of the chunks of my organic granola when I saw ESPN run this clip — and no, it wasn’t just because they showed collegiate women’s soccer on SportsCenter.  Check this out: New Mexico is playing BYU in a conference semifinal game, and NM defender Elizabeth Lambert starts handing out cheap shots like a bartender at happy hour in Cancun.  My favorite (from a cringing perspective) is not the awful pony-tail pull, but the blatant punch to the face later on.  Yikes.

 

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like this.  She’s worse than Pepe (well, maybe).  I did find it hilarious when Michel gave Valderrama something to think about in a Madrid-Valladolid game, but that was more to distract him — it wasn’t outright evil.  Even I have been known to grab hold of a waistband here or there when defending (learned that one from Larry Bird).  We’ve all seen a nasty elbow or two thrown out of anger, but this much damage by one player, all done in one game?  Does she just hate Mormons?  Is she going to have to make a public apology?  NMOB! will be sure to follow this closely.

Posted by Lazar

What to Watch

// November 5th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Saturday

Spurs v Sunderland, 10am, ESPN2  – Yes, Spurs v Sunderland.  Okay, Tottenham are not that good without Modric and Lennon, but they’re not terrible.  Sunderland are actually pretty darn good, but most importantly, this game is shown in HD.  It’s like a new effing world out there.  I never thought I’d say this, but thank you, ESPN.

Real Madrid v Atletico Madrid, 4pm, ESPNDeportes - Poor Atletico.  At least they went out of the CL with their heads high, thank to two crackers from El Kun.  Usually, the way this derby goes is that Atletico plays much better and loses on a lucky late goal from RM.  Could the reverse happen now?  Madrid are just not thaaaaat good without Cristiano.  And what is up with Kaka?  Is it just me, or is he entirely underwhelming?

Sunday

Chelsea v Manchester United, 11am, FSC  – It’s going to be hammer time at Stamford Bridge, as Chelsea destroy Manchester United.  Then again, I know nothing.

Inter v Roma, 230pm, FSC  – Can someone please, please, please beat Inter to make this league a little more entertaining?  Are they really up by 7 points already? 

Sevilla v Villareal, 3pm, GolTV – The game of the week.  Trust me.

Posted by Lazar