No More Onion Bags

Interim Fantasy Soccer T-Shirt Winner

// September 30th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

Thanks to Fernando Torres lucky hattrick on Saturday we have a clear leader at the top of the NoMoreOnionBags fantasy soccer table.

No More Onion Bags Fantasy Soccer League

No sign of Lazar (or his girlfriend) in the top 14

Or so I thought….

On closer inspection it turns out that all is not right with FC Scumfree. Looking at the team, you can clearly see that the maximum of 3 Liverpool players have been selected, all starters, including Torres as captain! Surely this is in direct violation with the team name: Scumfree?

FC Scumfree

In fact, not only are there 3 Liverpool players, there’s also a Mr. Rooney and one Ashley Cole! By all natural rights, the prize should be revoked until such time as the team name is changed to ‘iSecretlyLoveLiverpool’, but as we’re under time constraints the prize will be grudgingly awarded this time. Emmet, please leave a comment saying what size t-shirt you want.

posted by Cass

What to Watch

// September 24th, 2009 // 5 Comments » // Uncategorized

Don’t forget that whoever is winning the Premiership Fantasy League after this weekend will win the Homeless World Cup shirt, so get your team sorted out — and make sure that Darren Fletcher is in your lineup!

On a broad note, the TV listings are really hard to figure out this year.  ESPN is not posting its Spanish league listings until the last minute, and GolTV is more dysfunctional than ever.  It really stinks.  Barca was playing Racing on Tuesday and the game wasn’t on my TV guide when I left for work that day so I Tivoed GolTV, ESPN Deportes, and ESPN2, just in case.  It ended up being on ESPN2, but I still felt a little lucky — that’s not how it should work.  When I got home to watch the game, I heard Derek Rae’s voice and quivered in fear as he said “And joining me in the booth is…” (that moment felt like years) “… Robbie Mustoe.”  Thank God.   

Saturday

Liverpool v Hull City, 12pm, FSC – Looks like El Ninyo is back to his best, and when he’s on, it is must-see TV.  His first goal last week was absolutely spectacular.  Dribbling skills, speed, and a heavely finish.  Hull sucks, but whatever.

Real Madrid v Tenerife, 12pm, who knows, maybe ESPN Deportes? – Hard to figure out where/if this game is being televised, but it appears GolTV is not showing it.  I watched Villareal-Madrid yesterday, and have to admit that Madrid has a good effing team.  Cristiano is in it to win it, and his goal yesterday was a thing of beauty.  As much as I dislike the guy, that first touch/turn is wonderful, and he is just such a physical specimen – he is  insanely fast while keeping the ball close to his feet.  Tenerife sucks, but whatever.

Malaga v Barcelona, 2pm GolTV - As good as Crissy is, Messi is better.  You can’t even call what he does “close control” — it’s ball magnetization.  His second goal the other day was breathtaking, although it kind of feels like I’ve seen him score that same goal 400 times.  Malaga sucks, but whatever.

Sampdoria v Inter, 5pm on FSC (delayed — game really starts at noon) – Crazy Cassano wanted to go to Inter this summer, but Inter didn’t want him, which means that if he scores he will do something to get himself suspended.  Regardless, La Samp are just a point behind Inter and actually play “attaching soccer” (there’s no translation for that term in Itialian), so maybe Inter won’t bore us to death again.

Sunday

Juventus v Bologna, 9am, FSC -  I hae yet to see Juve play a full game this year, but apparently they are amazing, with or without Diego.   Maradona just picked them to win Serie A, which probably means they’ll finish last.  And fat.  And angry.

Posted by Lazar

Welcome to Manchester

// September 21st, 2009 // 21 Comments » // Uncategorized

Updated:  News reports are saying today that Bellamy might get a three-game ban for the above offense, which the FA is calling a “punch,” and he is claiming was a “push”.  (With his knuckles?)  Regardless,  it would be an unfair ban either way.  I’m almost as pacifist as they get, but I think it’s ridiculous to suspend players for violence when fans invade the field.  I don’t care if the dude is already being chased by police, whatever; fans don’t belong on the field, and if you run toward a player, he has complete right to doubt his safety.   Whatever happens to you is your own fault.  Maybe the above idiot will look at his bruised cheek and realize that it’s time to grow his hair out, spend some more time with his family, and grow the eff up.

Posted by Lazar

Educating Fergie

// September 19th, 2009 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

Cock-y

adj. cock·i·er, cock·i·est

“The rivalry has gone up a notch in the last few months, with them signing all those players and then coming up with that advert and all their posters,” he said. “They’ve been a bit, how can I put it, cocky – yes, a bit cocky.” – Alex Ferguson

There’s nothing ‘cocky’ about a poster that’s a playful jibe based on the fact that Old Trafford is technically outside of Manchester city limits. To further your education here’s an example of something that is ‘cocky’:

“Whether Tevez plays does not bother me one bit,” he said. “Their best player is not playing. Emmanuel Adebayor has been their star player, no question about that. He has scored in every game and his absence is a loss.” - Alex Ferguson

In my mind, dismissing one of your rivals’ best players 2 days before playing them is kind of cocky.

Join us next week when we’ll be educating David Beckham on proper usage of the word ‘obviously’.

posted by Cass

Fight Homelessness By Playing Fantasy Soccer! (Sort of. Not really.)

// September 18th, 2009 // 5 Comments » // Uncategorized

Here’s a chance to feel good about yourself.  Our friends at SoccerPro, who sell all sorts of good shirts and kits, have a nifty little thing going on with the Homeless World Cup, which just ended a few days ago.  SoccerPro has partnered with a hip designer to put out these very cool tee shirts, and they’ve offered us one.

So, we’ve decided to offer it up as an interim prize for the NMOB! Premiership Fantasy League.  Whoever is leading the league by the end of September (two gameweeks remain!) will win the shirt.  In other words: it’s time to get Darren Fletcher out of your team!

The winner gets to wear one of these cool shirts and look like he/she cares about something other than watching soccer, making tons of money, and driving the biggest SUV possible.  And it’ll have been free!  (Unlike freedom).

Posted by Lazar

What to Watch

// September 17th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Ah, the joys of watching international soccer in the US.  I saw that the Inter-Barca game was on Fox Sports Espanol (FSC was showing the depressing Liverpool-Debresen game), so I tivo’ed Inter-Barca, and looked forward to watching it with the excellent FSE (Spanish-language) announcers.  But FSE didn’t use its own announcers, and instead took the English-language UEFA feed with British announcers.  On a Spanish-language channel!  The commercials were in Spanish and the game was in English.  Oy veh.  But I digress.

Saturday

Arsenal v Wigan, 945am, Setanta – okay, maybe Wigan aren’t the team they were, but they’ve still got some players (I love me some Hugo Rodallega), and Arsenal will be looking for blood after last week’s debacle (about which more than enough has been said).  I wonder if the crowd at the Emirates will hang Adebayor in effigy — now that would be fun!  Too bad none of the Arsenal players have ever played for Wigan — would be funny if one of them ran over the the away fans to celebrate a goal.  But do Wigan even have away fans?  If they did, could they afford tickets to the Emirates?  Ah, scratch that.

Barcelona v Atletico Madrid, 4pm, GolTV - historically, it’s the best game of the Spanish season.  Last year’s edition was a 6-1 clinic at the Nou Camp (5-0 at the half), in which Barcelona first laid down the gauntlet that it was to be their year.  The reverse fixture later that year at the Calderon was a 4-3 classic, with Atletico coming back after being 0-2 down, thanks to a 425-yard left-footed blast from Diego Forlan to get them started.  And let’s not forget that these two teams played the greatest game that I’ve ever seen.

Sunday

Manchester United v Manchester City, 8:30am, Setanta - apparently, there are two teams in Manchester, and they’ve got a bit of a rivalry.  Although, as a New York Mets fan, I can understand when people ask how we can really have a rivalry with the Yankees when they win the World Series all the time, and us, not so much.  They’ve got a point.  Hmmn, maybe some billionaires will buy us, too!  Ah, we’d still piss it down the drain on old, injury-prone players.   But where was I?  Oh, right.  So, apparently something controversial happened last week, and Man City are left without $160 million worth of strikers (Adebayor, Tevez, Robinho, Santa Cruz).  Poor guys will only be able to line up with Craig Bellamy, Martin Petrov, and Sean Wright-Phillips up front — looks like the perfect counterattacking team to me.  This one will be closer than everyone thinks.  My grilfriend will be thrilled when I sneak out of bed and the house to watch this with Cass at The Canal Bar (Note from Cass: The Canal Bar is an excellent dive bar in Gowanus/Park Slope, Brooklyn that’s just started showing EPL games on Saturday and Sunday mornings. On a totally unrelated topic, I really enjoy free pints - IPA for Lazar, Wheat Beer for Cass. Sorted!) 

Chelsea v Spurs, 11am, FSC – Tottenham reeeeally looked like a different team without Luka Modric last week, and Chelsea look like an extremely tough, if boring side this year.  But Aaron Lennon is as hot as it gets, as is Jermaine Defoe… ah, they’ll lose badly, and I’ll be upset at myself for watching this game.  But if I don’t watch it, it will DEFINITELY be a 4-4 classic.  Sigh.

Posted by Lazar

Ridiculous Righteous Indignation

// September 15th, 2009 // 6 Comments » // Uncategorized

I’ve never understood when people complain about aspects of soccer that make it more entertaining and more theatrical. Take goal celebrations for one. According to my Grandad, he would prefer if after a goal was scored, the goal scorer received a firm handshake from his captain and then walked swiftly back to the half way line with a stern look upon his face. Why? Why not increase the drama? There are so many lousy, boring games of soccer, why do we want to curtail the most flamboyant, joyous celebrations? What’s wrong with a player ripping off his shirt and running around in circles twirling it above his head. As a neutral, it adds excitement, as a home fan, it adds excitement and as the opposition fan it makes the goal hurt more. But, the lower the low, the higher the high when your player scores an equaliser and rips his shirt off.

Which brings me on to this man:

Adebayor

I’m going to ignore the alledged stamp by Adebayor as well as the two footed lunge (by van Persie) on Adebayor and only talk about his goal celebration. He’s had a well documented falling out with the Arsenal fans, they’ve jeered and chanted obscene things about his mother all game. So he scores the game-ending goal and runs like a madman to celebrate in front of them. How can anyone have a problem with this? 3,000 fans abuse one player and he gets his own back by scoring against them and drawing their attention to this. As a city fan it was amazing, as a neutral it was exciting and for arsenal supporters, it will just make it all the more enjoyable next time Arsenal beat city, Adebayor misses a penalty, etc. I totally reject this nonsense about inciting violence; If a segregated bunch of adults can’t take the theatrical drama of their panto villain revelling in gaining revenge, then they shouldn’t be taking part in the gladitorial abuse to begin with. The people who threw chairs, coins and bottles are the hypocritical idiots who couldn’t take a mild turning of the tables.  Despite his immediate apologies, I’m sure Adebayor is still on a high from the event. I know I am.

posted by Cass

Join the NMOB! Champions League Fantasy League!

// September 14th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s short notice, but sign up to join the NMOB! Fantasy League!  It’ll be good fun, and by “good fun”, I mean that you can see how much more you know than Cass about international soccer (a lot).  That will make you feel good about yourself.

But, remember, the Champions League starts Tuesday – so act now!

Here comes the “science bit”:

1. Click HERE (it’s the UEFA website)

2. Register with the website (you click on SIGN UP NOW)

3. Make a fantasy team

4.  Join the NMOB! league, by inserting this code: 103467-20947

Have fun!

Posted by Lazar

The Biggest Loser

// September 11th, 2009 // 6 Comments » // Uncategorized

Sigh

It’s official: Maradona is the Isiah Thomas of soccer.  If you don’t know Isiah, here’s a quick rundown: one of the top ten basketball players ever (referred to as “the greatest small man to play the game”); known for performing on the big stage (including 16 points in 94 seconds against my Knicks in the ’89 (er, ’84) playoffs — one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen); after retirement, taking over the CBA (then basketball”s second division) and running it into the ground and out of business; then becoming head coach of the Pacers, who had just made the NBA finals, and running them into the ground for three years (they were great againwith a new coach the year after he left); then taking over my New York Knicks as general manager, absolutely ruining the team by trading for numerous old, overpaid players with no desire or discernable remaining skills; then becoming head coach of the Knicks and actually making them worse, to the point where we have been not just the worst team in the league over the past few years, but the one with the highest payroll!  Also, he got sued by a female employee for sexual harassment, a case the team lost, costing them $11.6 million.  For a great article on the rise and fall of Isiah, go here.)

"Fi-re Is-iah!" was a popular chant

Malcolm Gladwell discussed in an interview how he could have done a much better job as Isiah for the simple reason that Isiah, having been good a playing basketball, mistakenly thinks that that makes him a good manager.  Well, Diego Maradona has a similar problem, but in his case, it’s much worse.  Not only are his soccer skills not transferable to managing, his life “skills” — partying, waking up late, believing in your natural abilities over everything else, are exactly what makes a bad manager.  I mean, for God’s sake, did you know that the Argentina team never trains in the morning because Maradona doesn’t like to wake up early?!

The results don’t lie.  They got hammered by a crappy Bolivia team, embarrassed at home against Brazil, and humiliated in a must-win game against Paraguay.  All I saw were the highlights, but Paraguay ran rings around them.  Did you see this goal?  It looks like a fricking soccer clinic.  Oh, and Paraguay hit the bar like two or three times and should have won by much than 1-0.

As Gladwell writes, you could put someone in at coach who knows nothing about soccer, and they would surely do a better job.  Think about it: if you knew nothing about soccer, would you play over-the-hill 30-somethings Gabby Heinze and Juan Veron?  All you knew about them is that they were run out of town by their club teams (various times in Veron’s case) and had gone to play for weaker sides, and that they are at an age where soccer players tend to get worse.  I bet you wouldn’t play them.  Well, that’s your two games right there, since Heinze decided not to mark anyone on the first goal against Brazil, which changed that game, and Veron got an inexcusable pair of yellow cards early against Paraguay.

Poor Leo Messi.  I only saw the first half of the Brazil game and the highlights against Paraguay, but it did really seem like he was in it to win it.  Too bad his coach is the biggest loser.

The ongoing Argentina debacle isn’t the only thing that happened this past week.  It doesn’t take much to impress me, but here are a few things that did:

- Teofilo Gutierrez – the Colombian absolutely works an Ecuatorian defender with a lovely elastico http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJu6wejxBeU

- Landon Donovan – is it weird that I am incredibly impressed that Landon Donovan speaks excellent Spanish? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UU1nA2G0rwk  Did everyone know about this?  Can you tell that I got ESPN Deportes about 7 days ago and am in heaven?  If you haven’t watched ESPNDeportes Sportscenter, you are missing out, big time.  Or as Landon Donovan would say: te lo estas perdiendo!

- Nikolas Bendtner – I’ve slagged him off all week, but this is a simply incredible goal. He throws off a defender, chests the balldown dreamily, and what a finish!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkXl9fUz5kg  And he scored again on Wednesday! 

- Kahka Kaladze – Not one, but TWO own goals against Italy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYiLuU4_OZ8 the country that he plays in every week.  Amazing.

Feel free to mention other things you enjoyed.

Posted by Lazar

What To Watch

// September 10th, 2009 // 8 Comments » // Uncategorized

Saturday

Manchester City v Arsenal, Setanta Sports USA, 10.00am
Emmanuel Adebayor and Kolo Toure have both had excellent starts to their Man City careers and will be looking forward to trying to get one over their former team. For Arsenal, Andrei Arshavin definitely did not aggravate his groin in Russia’s match against Wales (the country, not the species) so will not miss the game against city. Really, if Arshavin is in your NoMoreOnionBags fantasy football team, there’s no reason to transfer him out. I’d make him captain and not trust any of those other news sources that say he’s injured. As I don’t have Setanta, I’m going to have to make a morning after my birthday 10.00am trip to the pub for this one which will probably be very painful. Hopefully City can reward me with all three points. 

Liverpool v Burnely, ESPN2, 10.00am & Stoke City v Chelsea, FSC, 10.00am
Really? there’s 3 different live premiership games all being played simultaneously on 3 different channels? Does that mean I need 2 DVRs? Can I get picture-in-picture-in-picture?  This is kind of ridiculous. How thin do we have to spread the already wafer depth of Commentator quality in this country? Does this mean Keith Costigan will soon have his own soccer channel?

Getafe v Barcelona, Gol TV, 12.00pm

LiveSoccerTV.com doesn’t list Gol TV as showing this game, nor does my Time Warner program guide. But the Gol TV website does list it so not really sure what’s going on? I have a pretty short supply of knowledge when it comes to La Liga so don’t want to waste using any of it if this game isn’t really on. Anybody know what’s going on? Please let us know in the comments.

Tottenham Hotspur v Manchester United, FSC, 12.30pm
Are Man Utd as crap as everybody thinks they are? (and wished they were last year and the year before). Is Harry Redknapp the most annoying self-promoting liar out there? Did you know that before Harry Redknapp took over Spurs (who have spent a whopping $200 miiiiiiiilion on transfers in the last couple of windows) they didn’t even know what football was and were really just a field hockey team? Expect this game to provide answers to the following 3 questions:

1. Will Spurs beat Utd on Sept 12th 2009?
2. Will Utd beat Spurs on Sept 12th 2009?
3. Will Spurs and Utd draw on Sept 12th 2009?

Sunday

Inter Milan v Parma FC, FSC, 9.00am

It’s 5th versus 6th although I think it should be illegal to even compile a league table until after 3 games. I don’t follow Serie A all that closely, but as I write this I am wearing an Inter Milan shirt I received for my 25th birthday. It’s surprising how aesthetically pleasing blue and black stripes are. Who would have thought it? My money’s on inter, at least it would be if I could properly reroute my IP address so I can get back into my betfair account. How is gambling on soccer any different to gambling on stocks?

It  looks like the Summer is coming to a swift end, so I recommend going outside and trying to get that last picnic in before the weather turns. There’s really nothing else on.

posted by Cass