No More Onion Bags

What We Learned This Weekend

// August 31st, 2009 // 5 Comments » // Uncategorized

Life isn’t fair:

• - Luka Modric absolutely dazzled us during the first half of the Tottenham-Birmingham game, during which the EPL color guy called him “the best midfielder in the Premiership”.  Then he suffered a broken leg in the second half and is out at least two months.  Argh.

• - After a terrific first 60 minutes against Manchester United, it seemed like a coming out party for one of my other favorite midfielders, Abou Diaby.  He was on the cusp of going from being the guy with the best name in the Premiership (if you can believe it, his full name is Vassiriki Abou Diaby — just awesome), to actually being one of the best players, too.  Then he inexplicably headed a ball into his own net despite being under no pressure to do so, losing the game for Arsenal in the process.  Argh.

Nothing has changed:

• - Real Madrid, despite all the stars, seemed surprisingly like recent years’ versions of Real Madrid.  They barely won, 3-2, and only because of some lucky breaks.
• - AC Milan is terrrrrrrrible.
• - What my Dad said about Diego (see previous post).
• - Arjen Robben is still really good.  Bayern Munich have Franck Ribery and Robben on the wings — it’s the best lethal weapon pairing since Mel Gibson and Danny Glover.  Except neither is getting too old for this.

Not pretty, but effective.

Fantasy League Update:

Things remain extremely volatile and fluid at the top of the NMOB! standings.  A Few Good Men are the new leaders, and the rest of us clearly can’t handle the truth.  Triton FC (name explanation, please?), FC Scumfree, ManUTangClan (my favorite team name, perhaps), and Economic Refugees round out the top 5.  My Twinkletoes are 7th, with Cass’s Rolex Brigade waaaaayyyyy down in 15th.  That’s right, Cass is still losing to my girlfriend’s team.  My intern, however, the manager of Who Dat Ninja, is not doing as well (he’s in last place) — time to pick it up, Apurva!

Posted by Lazar

What to Watch (finally returns!)

// August 28th, 2009 // 9 Comments » // Uncategorized

Alright, sorry for the delay, but with the three biggest leagues all back in action this weekend, it’s time to get this show back on the road.  It’s been a crazy summer after which the world seems completely different: insane transfers, Lazar’s knee surgery, and Cass’s realization that vegetables actually taste good and aren’t things that you need to be afraid of.  But let’s get down to business:

Friday

UEFA Supercup – FC Barcelona v Shaktar Donetsk, 2:45pm FSC (replay at 7pm on FSE) – a meaningless but pleasant game that is the true kickoff of the European soccer season.  Which team will Dmitriy Chygrynksy play for?  His transfer from Shaktar to Barca becomes official on Monday.  If anyone in charge had half a brain he would play the first half for Shaktar, come out for the second half and then dramatically tear off his top to reveal a Barca shirt underneath as his teammates stare at him in mock horror.  I should be an event producer.

Saturday

Manchester United v Arsenal, 12pm, FSC – The torch will pass at noon EST, as Arsenal win 1-3 at Old Trafford.  They’ve looked positively destructive in the first games.  Or will United show us that they are still the real deal?  Or will this be an anti-climactic 1-1 draw?  Over-under of camera shots of Michael Owen on the subs’ bench is 13 — do you feel lucky?

Real Madrid v Deportivo la Coruna, 2pm, GolTV – you’ll need to wear sunglasses to watch this one as Madrid roll out all their stars against Depor, who will be so blinded by the twinkling that they will lose 7-0.  Or will they?  Depor have a history of being a major buzzkill to Min the Bernabeu.  My favorite was when they beat Madrid (of Zidane, Figo, etc.) on the night of Madrid’s 100th anniversay celebration in the final of the Copa del Rey, which Madrid had arranged to be in the Bernabeu that year.  Ha, ha, ha.

AC Milan v Inter Milan, 2:45pm, FSC – It’s Eto’o vs. Ronaldinho, two guys who absolutely hate each other, now around to spice up the Milan derby.  I actually watched Milan last week and was surprised to see Ronnie play the best game I had seen him play in two years.  With Kaka gone, they moved him in from the wing to the “hole”, in which he can make nice passes and not have to run much.  Good idea.  And if you haven’t seen Pato recently, my goodness – that kid can play.  And I can say kid because I am a lot older than him.  Sigh.

Sunday

Roma v Juventus, 12pm, FSC - While other teams were making flashier splashes of cash, Juventus quietly signed two of the best central midfielders in Europe (Diego and Felipe Melo).  If you never really saw Diego while he was in Germany, get ready to enjoy.

Valencia v Sevilla, 1pm, ESPN Deportes (argh) - Amazingly, Valencia held on to all their attacking stars, and will throw out David Villa, Juan Mata, David Silva, and Joaquin — kind of nasty.   And Sevilla signed Alvaro Negredo, to go with Luis Fabiano and Frederic Kanoute?  Yikes.  This will be a great game.

Posted by Lazar

And…. We’re Back!

// August 21st, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Sorry for the hiatus, but I just got back from a two-week vacation.  Starting this week, we’ll have What to Watch and other posts running as usual.  Thanks to everyone who has joined our Premiership Fantasy League.  We have 48 league members, and as of right now, you’ll see yours truly in the top spot, with Courtney Granger, my lovely girlfriend who knows absolutely nothing about soccer, in second place.  Kind of amazing, since her selection strategy was largely about picking players who have dreadlocks or cornrows.  The other person who I made join the league, Apurva Mehotra, who was my graduate intern this summer and whose team is delightfully named Who Dat Ninja, isn’t doing quite as well.

I know I’ve kind of missed the boat here, but is ESPN2 really showing the Wigan-ManU game tomorrow?  Will watch and report.  Will also try to get a La Liga fantasy league up.

Posted by Lazar

Don’t Forget

// August 13th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Only 1 day left to enter the No More Onion Bags! English Premier League Fantasy Soccer League. Sign up for a season of fun, weekly updates and a chance of winning a great prize*.

Click here for details

posted by Cass

* prize may or may not consist of a self-funded lunch with Lazar where he’ll regale you all about his glory days when he scored that last minute penalty for Brooklyn FC Under-14s (Co-ed Division B).

Get to Bed!

// August 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

I loved reading this article in Barcelona’s Sport about what happened when several AC Milan fans ran into Ronaldinho at a club in the wee hours of the morning.  Did they ask him for an autograph?  Get a picture?  Try to tag along to one of his famous after parties?  No, they told him to go home and go to bed.  I love a little tough love from the fans.

Ronaldinho: Cowboy disguise didn’t work

Sadly, Americans aren’t always as supportive of our sports stars.  Baseball player Josh Hamilton was supposed to become a superstar when he was the number one draft pick in the country in 1999.  He never made it out of the minors, derailed by drugs and alcohol.  After three years out of baseball entirely, he got sober, incredibly religious, and worked his way back, finally becoming a star last year.  It appears, however, that he sadly and humanly fell off the wagon in an Arizona bar one night this past Janaury.  What did the fans who ran into him that night do?  Did they try to clean him up and send him home?  I mean, everyone in America knew his story of addiction and recovery.  No, they did this.  Sigh.

Posted by Lazar

DON’T FOGET TO JOIN THE NMOB! PREMIERSHIP FANTASY LEAGUE!  DETAILS BELOW!

The Most Fertile American in Ireland

// August 7th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Forget your Jozy Altidores and Clint Dempseys, the happiest yank abroad at the minute has to be St. Patrick Athletic’s Ryan Guy. Ryan Guy is a vertically challenged right winger who was born and raised in California (does that explain the name?) and despite being 22nd overall 2007 MLS draft pick decided to try his luck abroad. After a couple of unsuccessful trials at teams like Crystal Palace and Hannover ’96, Ryan signed for League of Ireland side St. Patricks Athletic. He’s certainly endeared himself to the fans last year, by not only scoring the only goal of the game in St. Pat’s first ever away European win (against some Latvian team that I can’t be bothered to look up and I know you don’t actually care about), but also followed that up with a hat-trick against one of Pat’s main enemies, Shamrock Rovers. God how I hate Shamrock Rovers, I really really hate them.

His slightly puzzling profile on StPatsFC.com lists him as being 0cm high which is a little rude (other sources tell me he’s 5′ 7″) and also enlightens us that he has scored 15 league goals, but bizarrely has only made 1 appearance. The most interesting fact I could find about him is that he is personally sponsored by Fertility Care ltd, a company I cannot find anything about on Google, but which I can only imagine has something to do with cattle and rubber gloves.

The reason he’s sure to be so happy at the moment is that he took part in what has been described as St. Pat’s greatest every victory. Irish teams are generally about as successful in Europe as a John Kerry sponsored Arugala festival would be in Tennessee. Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory is normally par for the course. So despite St. Pat’s carrying a 1-0 lead into their away second leg of their Europa League 3rd qualifying round against European giants Krylia Sovetov, their poor league form meant that few gave them much hope. Finding themselves 3-0 down on the night shortly after half-time meant that their 3 supporters (official estimate. honestly.) didn’t hold much hope of a fightback. But two goals towards the end of the game meant that St. Pats eked out a 3-3 draw and went through on away goals. They have just been drawn against Steaua Bucharest, where the winners will enter the group stage of the Europa League. Should Pats manage the seemingly impossible, it will be the first time any Irish team has qualified for the group stages of any European competition and the whole team, including that guy named Ryan will go down in history. See, we don’t always write about Landon Donovan.

posted by Cass

DON’T FORGET TO SIGN UP FOR THE NMOB! PREMIERSHIP FANTASY LEAGUE!  SEE DETAILS BELOW.

Join the No More Onion Bags! Premier League Fantasy Football League

// August 5th, 2009 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

Here comes the science bit:

1. Go here: http://fantasy.premierleague.com

2. Sign in / Register and create your team (you can make unlimited changes until the season kicks off)

3. Click on ‘My Leagues’

4. Click ‘Create / Join’ and enter the following code: 895342-183113

That’s it!  The winner will get a terrific prize.  What’s nice about this league is that you can enter your same team into other mini-leagues with your real friends, too. 

We’ll do a weekly update on who’s doing well and who’s doing badly — but remember, get your team in by next weekend or it’ll be too late.  We’ll either set up a Champions Leage or La Liga league too, but we’ve got a bit more time for that.

Anyone remember this?

posted by Cass

Extremely Mediocre Player Bought for an Ungodly Sum (and two guys kissing on the lips)

// August 5th, 2009 // 7 Comments » // Uncategorized

Yesterday, Xabi Alonso finally became a Real Madrid player in exchange for 30 million pounds, which is ridiculous on many levels.  First of all, let’s remember that Rafa Benitez wanted to replace him with Gareth Barry, a better player, who was later sold to Man City for 12 million pounds.  And now it looks like Liverpool will replace Xabi with Alberto Aquilani, who is also better, for 18 million.  As for Madrid, I just don’t see how Xabi is a 30 million pound upgrade over Guti, who would have presumably played next to Diarra behind the Cristiano-Raul-Kaka-Benzema Axis of Evil.  I know Xabi Alonso looked good last year, but I would look good next to Javier Mascherano.  It’s no coincidence that when Spain had to replace Marcos Senna with Xabi, they got a whole lot worse.  I mean, they lost to the USA, for Pete’s sake.  (Commence angry comments and emails!)

Xabi Alonso: Move to Madrid means no more kissing Steven Gerrard

Okay, I admit it.  I just wrote this post because I wanted to sneak in the picture of Xabi and Gerrard kissing each other.  It’s been a boring few weeks.  I apologize that we haven’t written more, but what they heck are we supposed to write about?  I don’t care that Darren Bent has a Twitter account!!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully, the Premeirship season is only ten days away (although I’ll miss the opening weekend while on vacation), and La Liga is just two weeks behind it.  We promise to have lots of good stuff to write about this year.  In the meantime, we have Mexico-USA on August 12.  Hopefully, a) our boys can get a nice result in the Azteca, and b) Rafa Marquez won’t try to maim one of our players (you’re a punk, Rafa!).  Despite being away at my girlfriend’s parents beach house, I’m going to find a way to watch that one — some things are more important than making a good impression!

Posted by Lazar