No More Onion Bags

Allahu Akbar

// June 26th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Mixing Politics & Sport

On June 17th, in a World Cup Qualifier against South Korea, seven Iran players were green wristbands, while their captain, Ali Karimi wore a green armband. The green bands were a smybol of support for Mir Hossein Mousavi, the opposition challenger in the sham election. However, more than just a sign of support for a political party, the symbolish is more about freedom for the people of Iran and making the voices of the people who are being brutally kept down in their rejection of a rigged election. Wearing a wristband may not sound all that brave, but when people are dissappearing by way of the military police for the merest hint of support for the opposition, then it is an incredibly brave thing to publicly put themselves and their families on the line. Shortly after the game 4 of the players (some of those players were told to and complied with removing the armbands at half time) immediately ‘retired’ from representing Iran. FIFA have written to Iran’s Football governing body to ask for an explanation.

Wouldn’t it be a great show of solidarity if the US and Brazilian teams wore green armbands in the Confederations Cup final on Sunday?

posted by Cass

Sergio Ramos: Exposed Again

// June 24th, 2009 // 11 Comments » // Uncategorized

Sometimes I feel all alone.  I don’t even feel like somebody’s waaaaaatching meeeeee.  I make the same point over and over again: Sergio Ramos is not that good.  No one listens.   He makes one unbelievably boneheaded play per game.  Yes, he has great skills and athleticism, but he plays on the razor’s edge.  Remember the giveaway against Germany at the start of the Euro final?  Or any of the other big giveaways in the Euros?  Well, he did it again against the US.

The front page of Marca, the Spanish sports paper, has some great quotes on it. They read in this order:

Del Bosque:”This is how sports is, and today it was our turn to lose”

Casillas: “In these types of games, we lose one in ten”

Xavi: “We have to learn from the loss”

Sergio Ramos: “I didn’t know there was someone behind me”

Too funny.  Really, Sergio?  You didn’t think Clint Dempsey was behind you when you decided to trap the ball right in front of your own goal, even though you would have to turn all the way around to get it?  You must have a very poor memory, because it appears that you were marking him just mili-seconds earlier.  How did you forget he was there?  Did you think he flew away?  Were you thinking about your mommy?  Oh, I know what you were thinking about.

Regardless, good (if fortunate) game for the US.  But that’s how you beat better teams: hard work, good golkeeping, and some lucky breaks.  And this Benny Feilhaber guy is a fricking revelation.  And he’s Jewish!  Hooray!

Posted by Lazar

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Turn the TV On Again

// June 23rd, 2009 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

Last night I had a dream that a rabid pack of dogs was chasing me towards the edge of a cliff. Except instead of barking, the dogs were yelping “aye aye” followed by weird similes like “he’s more electric than a toaster oven thrown into a bath tub” and actually, it suddenly wasn’t a cliff I was being chased towards, but it was a giant Tommy Smyth, complete with giant smug grin and no neck. Then I realised that it wasn’t actually a dream, but it was a metaphor for next season’s La Liga coverage!

Get Back! It’s Doggie Ray Hudson!

You see, ESPN have just announced that they will be “sharing” La Liga coverage with Gol TV for next season. ESPN2 will televise about 20 games while the mythical channel ESPN Deportes will show 2 or 3 league games per weekend. Copa del Rey will also be covered and over 114 games will be available on ESPN 360. I don’t know the exact details of the “sharing” agreement, but considering how many games ESPN will have, I’m guessing the coverage is “shared” in much the same way as I “share” pizza with the garbage collectors by eating all the pizza and letting them have the box. However, they have explicitly announced that the most watched games (El Clasico) will be simulcast. So I ask you what’s it to be; some strange geordie yelping (Ray Hudson) or some belittling smug leprechaun? I’m choosing Ray every time…

posted by Cass

UK Fans Prepare For the Worst as Hurricane Tommy Approaches

// June 22nd, 2009 // 10 Comments » // Uncategorized

As reader sdh pointed out, ESPN has won the rights to broadcast 46 Premiership games next year.  That could mean that we will be in the perverse situation of being largely free of Tommy Smyth here in the US, while real Premiership fans in the UK will be forced to listen to the clownish wonder! (ESPN lost its Champions League coverage for European games for 2009-10, although Tommy will still likely do some MLS and US international games that ESPN still has rights to – and, sadly, the World Cup, sob, sob.)

I’d love to say it won’t be that bad, but I can’t.  I just watched a tape of this year’s CL final, and it was brutal.  I heard a great interview once with Guardian writer Jonathan Wilson, who said that since most people watching soccer can understand about 80% of what is happening on the field, a good color commentator should be able to provde insight into that extra 20% that people like ex-players, coaches, or real students of the game can offer.  Tommy Smyth is more like that first 0-5% than even your 91 year-old grandmother with steadily progressing dementia can catch when she watches the game.  Get ready for analysis like “it was just too high!” for a shot that goes over the bar.  Or “incredible defensive job!” from a center back who calmly heads away a cross without having to move.  And a few always-grating terms like “you can’t win without putting the ball in the back of the net!”  In fact, my 91 year old grandmother once watched a Tommy-called game with me and asked “Why is that great defense?  Terry didn’t even have to move!”

But don’t worry British fans, you can come to the US on weekends to see the games with commentary from non-Tommies (talk about coals to Newcastle!).  And if you are forced to listen to The Evil One, at least they’ll be a blog here for you to voice your complaints on!

Posted by Lazar

Get out of the box right now! Go on, nick off!”

// June 19th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

If you thought Nick and Steve or whoever those Fox Fone In clowns were idiots, check out these two Australian pundits going at it.

“He’s just thrown a full tray of food at me!” – “A whole tray? It’s just a couple of crumbs!” It turns out it was actually a bucked of fried rice!

posted by Cass

BREAKING NEWS* Real Madrid to Break Transfer Record Again!!

// June 19th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

This just in: New Real Madrid President Florentino Perez has announced that he has an agreement, in principle, with the United States Government, to buy the contract of President Barack Obama for 465 billion euros.  The deal will be announced Monday in a press conference. 

He’s got skillz

Cristiano Ronaldo is apparently fuming at the idea of being relegated to second place on the transfer record list, and is rumored to be angling for a deal to Manchester City.

Have a good weekend, everybody!

Posted by Lazar

Really?

// June 18th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Interesting (if sad) tidbit of the day.  French defender Aly Cissokho’s 15 million euro transfer to AC Milan was called off today, after the Meeeeelan staff announced Cissokho failed his physical…. because of issues with his teeth.  The specifics are still a bit unclear, but this appears to be the first time that dental issues have thrown off a major soccer transfer.  Goal.com got its resident doctor to offer some possible explanations  and Marca says that Milan fear that Cissokho’s teeth problems will lead future muscular problems, specifically  sports hernia.  Yikes. 

Choppers look good to me

I’m not so sure.  Apparently, right after making the initial agreement for the purchase of Cissokho, Milan tried to switch it into a loan deal, after complaining that Porto wanted too much money.  Then after Porto refused to change the deal (although the timeline is murky), Cissokho does the physical and Milan announce that he has a problem that his dental issues could lead to muscular issues down the road, although he hasn’t had any muscular problems to date as a result of his teeth.  Very fishy.

Posted by Lazar

What to Do?

// June 15th, 2009 // 8 Comments » // Uncategorized

I know it’s still just a rumor, but various news sources are linking Diego Forlan with Real Madrid.  As you may know, my father is Uruguayan, and I have a strong feeling of affection for “El Cachabacha” (which kind of means “the witch”, a name given to him in Argentina because of his pointy nose).  He’s probably Uruguay’s best player, and seems like a great guy.  And my stepmother lived next door to his father, soccer player Pablo Forlan, in Sao Paulo when he was playing for Sao Paulo FC in the mid-70s — apparently, the whole family is very nice.

As you also may know, I’m a FC Barcelona fan (my aunt and cousins live there and inculcated me at an early age), so let’s just say that Real Madrid isn’t on the top of my “favorite things” list.  This was only heightened when I lived in Madrid for two years in the ’90s and received regular abuse from friends and co-workers about my Barca allegiance — there’s nothing like a little adversity to strengthen one’s ill will.

So what happens if Diego ends up at Real Madrid?  First of all, I guess I have to toss that Atletico Forlan jersey that I own (it’ll go next to the Peter Crouch Liverpool shirt).  But then what?  Country first, right?  That means I root for Diego to succeed and then for Madrid to fail?  Or do I (gasp) root for Madrid to win?  Any thoughts?

Posted by Lazar

Caption Contest!

// June 12th, 2009 // 22 Comments » // Uncategorized

Okay reader(s), we want your best captions for the below image of Paris Hilton and Cristiano Ronaldo hanging out at a LA nightclub last night

The Lord Giveth and The Lord Taketh Away

// June 10th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Here at NMOB! we’re not ones for idle speculation. Actually, that’s just not true. We love all kinds of speculation from idle right the way through to active although we find idle to be the most dangerous. So here’s some coming right at ya and it involes you-know-who.

Setanta UK are hanging by a thread with a $50m payment to the Premier League due on Monday but are totally out of cash. They owe upwards of $800m in total and need to take some drastic measure if they’re to avoid administration before the weekend. They’re pretty much screwed so looking at all possible alternatives, the most likely of which involves selling off their profitable US and Irish operations. (I think you know what’s coming next). So, who do you think is most likely to buy the US Setanta operation? Why, none other than DisneySports. And you know what that means?!?!?!??!?!?!?

 Marching back into our lives?

Not so long ago, we were celebrating the fact that FSC’s purchase of CL coverage meant a huge reduction in oul onion bags himself, but now we’ve got the very real possibility of himself returning for weekly premiership coverage! Oh Football Lord of Commentating, why do you mock us so?

posted by Cass

******************* UPDATE ******************** UPDATE ***************UPDATE ***************

According to Mickey Mouse’s chief spokesperson, Mr. Mouse and his empire will not be buying Setanta.  However, this does not totally insulate us from an attack of Premiership onion-bagging next season, as ESPN may try to buy the rights to some Setanta coverage if (when, really) the wee Irish network goes under.  Since Setanta has broadcast rights in England as well as the US, this means that even the Brits are under threat of attack from Tommy’s stupidity next year.  And they thought The Blitz was bad!

Update by Lazar