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What to Watch

// February 26th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

I woke up this morning with a slight Champions League hangover.  This round of games did not have a lot of scoring, but many tense moments – reminds me of lot of dates I’ve been on.  I also managed to block out any news in the afternoons and get home/to other places where I could watch games after work — what I call the “Escape to Victory” (which is the British title of the movie we Americans know just as “Victory”).  Another paradox of soccer in the US is that part of me doesn’t want it to get too popular here, so I still can avoid knowing what happened in games that I taped earlier in the day.  (Alas, so heavy is the burden of the I’m-taping-the-game fan.)  But, let’s get back to business, because nothing cures a hangover like the hair of the dog that bit you:

Saturday

Arsenal v Fulham, 10am, FSC — Another chance to see Andre Arshavin, this time in a derby.  Last week was his first game, but now Rule #76 applies: “No Excuses, Play Like a Champion.”  Our fave Clint Dempsey won Fulham’s last game late, so let’s hope that he’s back to his best after a recent lull — I do love the Clint Dempsey Crazy Face.

Chelsea v Wigan, 10am, SetXtra –  That’s not a porn channel, it’s the second one you get with your Setanta subscription.  Wigan has lost a couple of key guys, but I still enjoy them.  And Chelsea looks totally revitalized.  I am still skeptical of a team that played with not one lefty nor winger of any sort last week, but they do look like they are having more fun, and Didier Drogba is pulling a 2008 New York Mets Carlos Delgado (I’m not going to play for the manager I don’t like, and get magically good for the new manager) right before our eyes.  Way to be a real professional, Didier.  Good example for the kids out there.

Juventus v Napoli, 230pm on FSC – Juve played tough in midweek, and their old boy network doesn’t have a ton of time to recover before facing one of the most youthful and energetic teams in Italy.  Lavezzi, Hamsik, Denis, and Gargano are fun to watch.  They’ll probably all be on Juventus in three years.

Sunday

Man United v Spurs, 10am, Setanta — I can’t stop thinking about this Carling Cup Final.  I’m having trouble sleeping.  I can’t eat.  My nerves are shot.  It’s all I talk about with my friends, who don’t want me to be their friends anymore.  I am doing a “Carling Cup Final Countdown” in my hourly status updates on Facebook.  But if anyone wants to go out for brunch on Sunday morning, I guess I could miss this one.

Atletico Madrid v Barcelona, 1pm GolTV — But  I won’t miss this one.  Barsa dropped six on Atleti at the Nou Camp, but are now slightly “tocado” (Spanish term for which there isn’t a perfect translation, but “wounded” will do).  And the over/under for times the camera shows Kun Aguero shoes on which is printed “Giani/Kun” is five.  Yes, Aguero fathered Maradona’s (edit: grand)child.  And gave him Leonel (for Messi) as a middle name.  I wonder if Leo himself will bring Kun a little baby gift and give it to him before the game.  He’s got to get him something!  (Send in your suggestions in the comments section.  Winner gets a no-prize.)

So heartwarmingly beautiful.  Can I see it again?

Inter Milan v Roma, 2:30pm, FSC – Can one of these teams please score a goal this week?

Posted by Lazar

World Cup Ticket Guide

// February 25th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Greenpoint Stadium, Cape Town. Yes, everything is on plan for 2010. There are no delays. Honest!

Here’s what you need to know about getting World Cup Tickets:

First things first, FIFA have a ridiculously stupid mechanism for providing tickets. Knowing this fact up front may help alleviate some of the anger as you read on.

When to Apply

The first of 4 World Cup Ticket application phases is now open. From the 20th Feb until 31st of March you can apply for tickets here (please note that you are just as likely to get tickets if you apply on the last or the first day as it’s based on a random draw of all applications received within this window).

Types of Tickets

There are 2 types of ticket you can apply for:

a) tickets for an individual matches: Yes that’s right, you can apply for a ticket to see A1 versus A3! Way to go FIFA, sell tickets to games before you know what team is playing, that will really help the real fans get tickets and cut down on black market scalping.

b) Follow a Team tickets: Yes, you can apply for tickets to follow a particular team, before you even know if that team will qualify! You can choose to follow your team for 3,4,5,6 or 7 games but if your team gets knocked out, you still have to go to the games your team would have been playing in if they didn’t suck so much. Imagine the excitement (and expense) of signing up for 7 games (the whole route to the final) only for your team to not make it through the group. Instead of flying home early and trying to restart your life, you must instead keep going to the games your team would have played if they hadn’t lost!

Information To Provide

In order to apply for tickets you need to provide the full name, date of birth and passport number per person per ticket. This is so that when you buy a ticket for A1 v A3 and it turns out to be United Arab Emirates versus Norway you can’t give the ticket to a Norway or UAE fan. No, you must go and watch this game while the Norway fan doesn’t. This seems like a really good way to ensure great atmosphere at the games. The thing is though, that every World Cup FIFA say that they will print names on tickets and check ID so that tickets can’t be exchanged. Except every year they don’t do this properly. So you can probably sell your ticket to someone else and they will probably be able to attend. But maybe not. Sounds great doesn’t it?

There Must Be Another Way

There is! FIFA love the real fans so much, that they give a huge percentage of tickets to their corporate sponsors. This means that while the USA fan ends up attending the Norway v UAE game and the Norway fan attends the USA v Portugal game, some clueless friend of a mastercard executive is attending both games, gorging himself on wilderbeast sandwiches in between checking his blackberry and thinking that soccer would be better if they had bigger goals and the scoring was more like basketball.

Strategy

NMOB have applied for 3 random group games in Cape Town. If you’re interested in joining us please ask and we’ll tell you which games. That way we can all be disappointed together when our application is rejected and we’ll meet up to watch in a bar in Cape Town and wonder why there’s so many empty seats (cos the mate of the guy who works for mastercard didn’t bother coming back for the second half). Sorted!

posted by Cass

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Champions League Preview #2: Real Madrid-Liverpool

// February 24th, 2009 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

This is the other big game that we’ll look at this week which has a lot going on. (Our Manu-Inter preview is a few posts below.) Two good teams here, lots of good players, Gerrard is back, which might mean that Yossi Benyaoun, who has been amazing in his absence, might be out of the side, yadda-yadda… but you can read all of that elsewhere.  We’re here to point out the subtext of interesting grudges being played out during the game: 

“Ay, ay, I can’t believe I played for Madrid!”  Neither can we, Steve.

- Rafa’s Revenge: Rafa, born and raised in Madrid, was never considered for the Madrid job, despite winning the league at Valencia.  With Madrid about to elect a new president this Summer, and with Rafa still yet to renew his Liverpool contract, this is almost an audition.  It’s also a way for him to flip off all of the folks who thought he couldn’t make it in his hometown.  And if we know anything about what Rafa likes to do, it’s flip people off.

[Side note: Rafa was off again last week complaining about how little money he’s had to spend in his time at Liverpool, compared to the loot at Alex Ferguson’s disposal in the same period.  “In my five years, I’ve paid less in transfer fees than I’ve received, even though I spent £40 million on Fernando Torres and Robbie Keane,” he said, “it’s as simple as that. We’ve made a team that can compete with them, but economically we’re inferiors and can’t afford the players they can.”

His claim that he had “paid less in transfer fees than I’ve received” had the folk at Football 365 scratching their heads, so they put their calculators to work. How much has Rafa spent since becoming Liverpool manager? €224,916,585. And received in fees? €109,427,628. Net spend? €115,488,956. Ferguson’s net spend in the same period? €104,147,686. Sounds like Rafa’s abacus is malfunctioning.]

- Ramos’ Revenge: The Special Juande was run out of England just months ago, and inherited a Madrid team that was kind of a mess.  He lost his first game to Barcelona at the Nou Camp (understandable), but since then has not dropped a single point in the league – nine straight wins.  You know he wants to show the English press and fans that they made a mistake, although, you also know he must wake up sweating in the middle of the night sometimes, before coming to his senses, pinching himself, and smiling in the knowledge that he is coaching Real Madrid and not Tottenham Hotspur!  Wait, could he have orchestrated this whole thing?  Maybe he’s Kaiser Sose!!!!

- Iker v Pepe: Pepe Reina is the second best ‘keeper Spain has had in the last 30 years.  And yet he will never play in an international game, because he is almost exactly the same age as Iker Casillas, the greatest Spanish keeper of the last 20 years, if not all time.  But for the last 5-7 years, and for the next 5-10 years, every time there is an international tournament, qualifier, or friendly, Pepe Reina needs to pack his stuff, board the flight, go to practice, and… sit on the bench during the games.  That has to build some kind of resentment.  I’m not saying he’s going to get all Gustavo Munua on Iker, but you never know.

- Torres’ Revenge: El Nino Fernando came up with Atletico Madrid, who were consistently slaughtered by their rivals Real Madrid during most of his time in Spain.  Knocking them out of the CL would be a nice parting gift to all the fans that supported him.  Aw, wouldn’t it be great if he scored, ripped off his shirt and revealed an Atletico Madrid jersey underneath.  Why does good stuff like that only happen in professional wrestling?

- Alvaro’s Revenge: Alvaro Arbeloa came up with Madrid, who never really gave him a chance in their first team.  Okay, maybe this isn’t the most exciting storyline.  But if he goes nuts and scores a hat-trick, don’t forget who your daddy is.

Posted by Lazar

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NMOB! Oscars

// February 23rd, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Replace the red carpet with green grass, gowns and tuxes with shorts and high socks, overpaid prima donnas with overpaid prima donnas, and what do you get?  It’s the NMOB! version of everyone’s favorite award show!  And the winners are:

Benjamin Button Award for I Can’t Believe You Were Even Nominated, You Are So Gosh-Darned Overrated

- Winner:  Deco and Michael Ballack.  Both short-listed by FIFA for player of the year in 2008.  Really?  Really?  I mean, Deco doesn’t even start anymore, and was awful for Barsa last year.  And don’t get me started on Benjamin “Snooze” Button.

Danny Boyle Award for It’s Really Nice That You Won, We’ve Always Liked You

- Winner: Spain and Xavi.  Good to see good things come to a side that insists on playing such pretty soccer.  And Xavi was certainly the epitome of that, as he’s been for years.  Good for him. I feel good about the world.

Mickey Rourke Award for Argh, I Wish They Could Have Given You Something, You Were Amazing

- Winner: Leo Messi.  I mean I guess Cristiano R. had to win Player of the Year given all the goals he scored (against Newcastle), and that ManU won the Premiership and the Champions League, but couldn’t they have given Messi something?  Much like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, he gives us the most indelible memories.  If you haven’t seen Mickey’s scene in the bar where he sings and dances to “Round and Round” by Ratt, do yourself the favor.  And if you haven’t seen [any of Messi's amazing goals], then ditto.

Slumdog Millionaire Award for Quickest Transition from Being Underhyped to Overhyped

- Winner: Andre Arshavin.  Yes, I loved his performance against Holland.  Who didn’t?  But, eh, did you catch the game against Spain?  You might not remember, but he played the full 90 minutes.

Hugh Jackman Award for Wow, That Guy is a Pretty Charming and Entertaining Fellow, Maybe He Really is Quite Talented After All

- Winner: Fernando Torres.  Just 18 months ago he was a striker that couldn’t score 20 goals in a season, or bring his team any kind of success.  And now he is a top scorer in England and a Euro champ.  And he seems like a very nice fellow.  Good for him.

Posted by Lazar

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Saturday Stuff

// February 22nd, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

Pretty interesting Saturday…

- Aston Villa v Chelsea: Chelsea came out and wanted it.  Do yourself a favor and check out the lovely little 1-2 that Lampard does before putting Anelka through for the pretty dink.  Poor Steve Sidwell.  he’s been banished to the bench with Heskey’s arrival, which also means that Ashley Young and James Milner are pushed further back into midfield.  Villa, have gone from an exciting 4-3-3 to a standard 4-4-2.  Why mess around with a good thing?  Maybe Martin O’Neill’s not as smart as I thought.

- Arsene’s Arsenal’s Arshavin: Say that five times fast.  Then drink a beer in ten seconds and spin around five times, then sit down to watch Liverpool-Man Citeh.  (Only then will you understand the tactics of Rafa Benitez.)  Arshavin showed some flashes in the 60 minutes Arsene gave him yesterday, but he belonged in the center, not out on the right.  Nikolas Bendtner is trying to win the award for player who thinks he is a lot better than he really is.

Hot flashes

- Spain: Barsa beaten at home thanks to an incorrect explusion, and Madrid hammer Betis, which means… hay liga!  (There is a league!)  Soccer journalists throughout Spain are clicking their heels today, as Barsa’s lead was cut to 7.  And if you don’t like head-on-head crashes, don’t watch this.  We told you to watch out for Sevilla midfielder Romaric, but this is not what we meant!

- Silence of the Lahm: I saw the first half of Bayern – Cologne from the treadmill at the gym yesterday morning (as soon as I go in now, they put on GolTV — I don’t even have to ask!).  I love the way the world’s worst defender, Phillipe Lahm, get absolutely worked by the right winger who provides the assist on Cologne’s second goal.  I think he dislocated Lahm’s hip.

Posted by Lazar

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Champions League Preview: Inter v Man Utd

// February 20th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

On Tuesday of next week, the first round of the CL knockout stages begin, with lots of juicy matchups.  We’ll preview some of them, starting with the one that pits the leaders and reigning champions of England and Italy.  Sadly, one of these teams won’t make the quarterfinals, but I’m not sure who it’ll be.  ManU has to be the favorites, given how well they did last year, and the fact that they can field a few different types of teams.  It’ll be interesting to see if they revert to the 5-5-0 that they used late in the CL last year against Barcelona.  (Can you tell I’m still bitter?)   I’m guessing they will leave Berbatov up front to hold things up and put everyone else behind him doing lots of work, only advancing past the halfway line when Berba has it under control.   One note: Nemaja Vidic is out for the first leg, which explains why Zlatan has been spotted ordering “pollo a la Johnny Evans” at local restaurants recently. 

They believe they can fly

Inter plays a pretty boring set-up this year, with our fave Zlatan Ibrahimovic accompanied by either the underwhelming Julio Cruz or the I-guess-he’s-okay-but-it-feels-weird-getting-excited-because-he-used-to-be-so-much-better Adriano, with four battlers behind them in Muntari, Cambiasso, Stankovic, Zanetti — buhbuhbuh, yawn… woah!, did I just bore myself to sleep while typing the Inter midfield?  The full backs — Maicon and Maxwell — do get up a bit, but I feel like I’m making rationalizations now.  It’ll be more interesting to see how mentally prepared they are this year.  They completely folded against Liverpool in the quarters last year, when they got down early in each of the two games.  Mourinho is known for instilling confidence and toughness, so we’ll have to see how that works out.

The first game is in the San Siro, and you have to think that Inter’s goals will be not to concede, so they can get by with a 1-1 draw back in Old Trafford.  The question is whether Fergie will have the guts to go for it in the first leg.  He did nothing of the sort at the Nou Camp last year; he took a 0-0 back home and went through on a 1-0 thanks to Paul Scholes and Gianluca Zambrotta.  You’ve got to think that he’ll try to play it the same way — sadly.  It would be wonderful to see him just say eff it, and throw all his firepower out there and go for two away goals, but we know that ain’t happening.  Alas.

I guess people are more interested in the pre- and post-game press conferences than the actually soccer in this one.  What mind games will be unleashed by the two masters?  Yawn.  I’m more interested in whether Zlatan’s and Cristiano R.’s egos can actually fit on the same field.  If you haven’t seen the Nike ad they did together a few years ago, you should.  (I honestly think Zlatan wins the skills battle, but I’m biased, because…  I. Love. Zlatan.)

Posted by Lazar

What to Watch

// February 19th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Saturday

Aston Villa v Chelsea, 7:45am on Setanta.  I’m glad I pay that extra few bucks for Setanta.  The past 3 league maches between these two have included a 4-4 and a rousing 2-1 for Villa that started the Jose Mourinho exit process.  This is turning into a great fixture.

Barcelona v Espanyol, 2pm on GolTV. Barcelona derby.  We like derbies.  Do yourself the favor and watch this one in Spanish, so as to avoid Ray Hudson.  On DirecTV the Spanish commentary is on channel 426.

Sevilla v Atletico Madrid, 4pm on GolTV. Our awesome recent article (below this one) on Aguero-Forlan probably has got you excited to see them in action.  Don’t forget to keep an eye out for Sevilla midfielder and OBOW (Onion Bag One to Watch) Romaric, who looks nothing like what you think a guy named Romaric would look like.

Romaric: not Serbian

Sunday

Liverpool v Manchester Citeh, 10am on FSC.  I know that Andrew and Cass would really, really love it if Citeh put in a good effort here.  I’m more interested in seeing Fernando Torres wreak havoc among Nedum Onouha and Vicent Kompany, the worst pair of center backs that money can buy.  And rumor has it that Albert Riera is having dreams with Micah Richards dressed up as a sugar plum fairy — delicious.

Posted by Lazar

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Relationships

// February 19th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

Relationships take work, even the best ones, be they romantic, platonic, or… as strike partners.  Sergio Aguero and Diego Forlan are one of the most potent pair of attackers in Europe.  Lots of goals, lots of plaudits, pretty good results.  They also seem to match each other well.  Aguero is the more-skilled, withdrawn forward, whereas Forlan is more of the athletic target man.  They both come from the South American southern cone (Argentina and Uruguay) and speak the same type of Spanish.  But in other ways, they are fairly different.  Aguero is a bit of a street kid, one of seven siblings, from a very poor neighborhood.  Forlan is the son of a soccer player, and grew up in some of the nicer neighborhoods of Montevideo and Sao Paulo (next door to my stepmother, coincidentally).  And whereas el Kun fills up the tabloids with his relationship with Maradona’s daughter (they’re about to have a child), Forlan has made lesser headlines by becoming a UNICEF ambassador.

Both are rumored to be nice guys, and apparently they get along pretty well (which the above picture would seem to confirm).  But I saw a goal last week that made me laugh, and realize that, just like any other relationship, they’ve probably got some tension between them.  I’ve pasted it a below (you have to go to 3:00 of the video to see the full play).  If you watch closely, you can see a lot of little things that tell you about the nature of their relationship.  I’ve provided a little narration below the clip of what I think is going on in the mind of Diego Forlan (remember to skip ahead to 3:00):

DF: Dude, I just gave you a great effing through-ball.  Go do your thing, score, and come back to me to celebrate. You’re the man.  Just don’t forget that I gave you this great pass. [Forlan passes, then eases up.]

DF: Run, dude! You have got to be kidding me — are you not trying to just take this one yourself?

DF: Fine, you lazy bum, I’ll do all the hard running… as usual.  Argh, time to sprint. [Forlan starts sprinting.]

DF: Okay, show-off, I’m sprinting, so PUT THE BALL RIGHT WHERE I WANT IT and I will show you how it’s done [Forlan points to where he wants to receive the ball].

DF: Watch and learn, pipsqueak.  This is how a real striker finishes — AND with the left foot.

DF: I scored!  I’m the man.  You’re the man, too. [They hug.]

 Posted by Lazar 

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Who Is Ken Early?

// February 19th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

Mick Hucknall’s Younger Brother? No, it’s Ken Early!

Even though we’ve been led to believe that change is a good thing, I stopped dead in my tracks (which was a very dangerous thing to do on the treadmill) when I heard Monday’s introduction. I had become very accustomed to the dulcet tones of the suave and punninglytastic James Richardson so it was a big shock to hear somebody else presenting.

Ken put in a disappointingly dull performance; indeed some commenters on the pod message board were discussing the viability of recording Ken reading children’s nursery rhymes and using his voice as a means to cure childhood insomnia. You probably don’t remember that Ken appeared on the show as an occasional guest during the Euro 2008 pods back in the Summer, again, his appearances weren’t all that memorable.

It appears that the Guardian are in the process of grooming Ken to be James Richardson’s occassional stand-in and on this note I would like to provide some hope. I’ve been listening to Ken’s excellent daily podcasts on Irish radio station Newstalk 106 which you can subscribe to here. They are extremely entertaining and Ken does a great job of combining a decent knowledge for the game, with large bouts of surrealism and a deep deep cyncism. He can also be pretty funny. I think the nerves of being surrounded by the Guardian heavyweights has affected Ken’s performance so far, but once he gets a bit more confidence he’ll prove a very good substitute for Richardson. In the meantime, I recommend subscribing to Ken’s podcast to both help ease the transition anxiety, and get a preview of the witty analysis you’re sure to start hearing more frequently on the Guardian’s Football Weekly.

Posted by Cass

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The Future of Football

// February 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Ladies, Gentelmen and readers of NMOB! I would like to present to you the future of football. His name is Madine Mohammed, he’s six years old and being hailed as the new Zidane. Enjoy the masterclass below:

reminds me of myself when I was 5

posted by Cass

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