Come on dude, can you just be serious for once?

It was not a good start for Mourinho today as Madrid were unable to beat Mallorca on the road. At first glance, not a big deal. Mallorca did finish fifth last year, with the third best home record in the league. Still, I can’t help but remember that Pellegrini won here last year, on his way to 96 points and a club record for points in a season. 31 wins, 3 draws, 4 losses. Essentially, 4 wins out of every 5 games. Barcelona certainly look like they can keep that kind of pace up, so it looks like Mourihno is going to have to set a club record for a second straight season if he wants to win the title.

Aside from the new players brought in, Big Mo has made one really interesting (and remarkably dumb) change that is worth taking a closer look at. I’d heard him say that he wanted to play Sergio Ramos as a center back a few weeks ago, but somehow I just didn’t believe that I would actually see it happen. I recall him getting a few games there for Madrid a few years ago, but it was an unmitigated disaster. Surely Mourinho is smarter than that? Guess not.

Yes, he’s really strong, fast, and even has good technique for a defender. Unfortunately, it all falls apart between the ears for him. I can’t help but think he’s not the guy you want out there organizing a defense.  That role would be better suited to someone who understands basic tactics and positioning. Ramos has no concept of either.  Anyone in need of a reminder  should watch Clint Dempsey’s goal against Spain in the Confederations Cup in 2009:

He lets Dempsey in behind him, then forgets he’s there when the ball comes to him, and finally looks surprised when Dempsey swoops in to finish. Priceless.

I watched him closely today, hoping he’d prove me wrong. Sadly, he was a total liability. He’s lucky Carvalho saved his ass when Cavenaghi ran into a huge space Ramos left behind him in the second half. Totally out of position, reminiscent of Oguchi aginst Slovenia in the World Cup. But my favorite moment was late in the first half when he committed two penalties in 5 seconds and somehow got away with both. He handled the ball first and then threw his man to the ground. Some guys, like Carvalho, are smart, and know when they can play dirty and get away with it. Other guys, like Ramos, are completely oblivious to what’s going on around them, challenge recklessly, and then just hope for the best. The clear penalty he committed at the end of the first half in the Spain-Germany game this summer is another example of him riding his luck constantly.

This is not going to end well. The margin for error is incredibly thin with Barcelona to compete with, and Ramos at center back is bound to cost them points along the way. He came very close to costing them one today.

Posted by Alain

If I could put money on anyone this year, it would be:

- Samir Nasri — woah!  I wrote a post about him last year but saw him again in the snoozer against Liverpool yesterday and was stunned.  He may have the quickest non-Messi feet in world soccer.  Arsenal does itself a disservice when they put him on the wing — he was wonderful in the center in place of Fabregas yesterday.  He’s ready to explode, and he’s still just 22.  He’ll be this year’s Premiership Player of the Year.

But Nasri is a known quantity and we probably can’t get good odds on a breakout for him this year.  If you want a real return on your money, here’s a better investment:

- Ganso – double woah!  Mohawked starlet Neymar got the headlines, but it was playmaker Ganso that had me seeing double rainbows when I happened upon the USA-Brazil friendly last week on television.  Ganso, who plays for Santos with Neymar (a team that also had Robinho last year, for goodness sake — the three of them teamed up for a gimmicky and only midly funny commercial) is an old-fashioned number 10.  He reminds me of a faster, left-footed version of Riquelme.

Here’s a highlight reel.  Make sure you keep watching until after 1:57 where you get to see his dribbling skills in action.  Absurd.

I’m guessing that he’ll be on Milan or Juventus within 12 months, will be huge star for the next five years, win FIFA World Player in 2016, get sold to Real Madrid for a record fee, get injured immediately, be caught with transvestities in 2018, make a comeback with Inter in 2020, be retired and become morbidly obese in 2024, get caught drunk and high in a cab with Rod Stewart (forever young) in 2025, clean up and become the face of either Visa or Mastercard in 2027, and marry Johan Cruyff’s 22-year old granddaughter in 2031 (he’ll be 51).  I can’t predict what’ll happen after that. 

Posted by Lazar

Don't hate the playa, hate the game...

So, after weeks of rumors, Mario Balotelli has finally managed to escape his own little corner of hell in Milan for a new start in Manchester. Honestly, I love the guy. He’s been unfairly maligned in the press, when all he’s really ever been guilty of is a bit of teenaged petulance.

He hasn’t done anything nearly as bad as what has been done to him. The Totti incident in particular during that Coppa Italia tie was one of the worst moments I have ever seen in football, and our friend really showed quite a bit of restraint. I can think of quite a few other players who would have come up swinging after such a blatant attempt to injure. Then of course there was the (unconfirmed) report that someone tried to loosen the lugnuts on his Audi R8 while it was parked. And who could forget the racist chants on the road, which are magnified because his Italian citizenship is somehow more threatening to fans around Italy. I mean really, who needs that? Can you blame the guy for getting a little testy every now and then?

On the pitch, he’s electric. His speed, technique, and superhuman strength have a tendency to induce urinary incontinence in opposing defensive backs. All he really needs is to work on his finishing, and he could be the best player in the league in a few years.

This is really a win-win situation for everyone. City gets a great player (for 22 mil? A steal), Inter dumps the guy with powerful enemies in the dressing room, and even the Azzuri benefit. Without a doubt, he is the brightest prospect in Italian football, and a little distance could help heal the wounds and allow his play to reestablish a positive relationship with Italian fans. And Mario himself gets reunited with a manager who clearly likes him and wants to work with him. In England, he’s just another Black man trying to make a living. In Italy, his passport represented a cultural threat to those unwilling to accept the changing face of the world.

I don’t mean to suggest that Italy is anymore racist than any other part or Europe. I know all too well that’s not the case, and he’s gotten some sympathy from the political right. One of my favorite quotes about him appeared in this excellent article about his upbringing and current struggles, spoken by Italian conservative Faro Futuro: “Balotelli is stubborn, combative and can be a bit of a bully, but at the same time he is generous, brave and irreverent. He is pure talent. Genius and lack of restraint all in one. What else could be more Italian than that?” Indeed.

Posted by Alain

And then it went off his face

My feelings for Javier “The Little Pea” Hernandez are evolving in strange way.  Let’s review:

- May 2010 – I don’t watch much Mexican soccer, so my only opinion of El Chicharito comes from reading about how he had such a bad season in 2008-2009 that he almost gave up soccer to enroll full-time in graduate school.  But then he decided to give it one more shot and finished 2009-10 as top scorer in the Mexican league.   And then he got signed by Manchester United.  Hmmmn, this guy seems kind of interesting. 

- May 2010 – Pre-World Cup friendly between Mexico and Italy, a time to watch the Little Pea in action.  Woah.  I have never seen one individual miss so many clear chances in one game.  This guy makes Andy Cole and Patrick Kluivert look efficient.  Now I’m less worried about Mexico being in Uruguay’s group. 

- June 2010, first round of group games – not much to to dispel my previous notion that he can’t really finish.  Good goal against France, but it was a chance he could not miss.  Completely impotent in his other first round appearances.

- Second round game vs. Argentina — Woah, what a turn and shot!  Maybe I was wrong — this kid can really finish! 

- July 2010, in a friendly beween the MLS All Stars and Manchester United in Houston, Texas, El Chicarito comes off the bench and, to the delight of the tens of thousands of Mexican fans in attendance, immediately scores a delightful chip.  I like this guy!

Then this…

August 2010, Charity/Community/Nonsense Game to Open the English League Season.   Homeboy scores after shooting the ball… off of his face and into the net.  That’s fine, no worries — we’ve all done it.  But have some shame, man.   Get up a smile or laugh.  Maybe act a little humble about your massive shank.  But no!  At first, he tries to pretend like everything went as planned, and it’s only later, when Berbatov gives him some ish, that he acts all, “yes, ha-ha, it went off my face.”  You’re not feeling me, son.  Have some shame.

Posted by Lazar

Somewhat suprisingly, Uruguay’s own Alvaro “El Flaco” Fernandez just signed for the Seattle Sounders.  It’s surprising because he is only 24 years old and he just came off of playing four games (and starting the quartnerfinal game) for a team that made the World Cup finals.  The above video from the Sounder website is pretty impressive, and makes it seem like the team really knows what it’s doing.

Althooouuuugh, all the Sounders coaches, etc. talk about El Flaco being able to play all midfield positions, something I’ve never seen; he’s an out-and-out winger.  I’m also wondering why his former team, Nacional in Uruguay, was willing to sell him to the Sounders; couldn’t they have gotten more money elsewhere?  I’m guessing this is some sort money-laundering or other move that has to do with the power struggles between Uruguayan clubs and the Uruguayan superagents.  We’ll see how long El Flaco stays in Seattle.

Also, here’s an even more interesting Uruguayan news clip from about a week before the transfer officially went through.  For those who don’t speak Spanish, it shows El Flaco going to his home region (in Uruguay, they’re called “departments”) for a celebration of his role on the World Cup semifinalist team.  IF YOU DO ANYTHING TODAY, EVEN IF YOU DON’T SPEAK SPANISH, WATCH JUST AFTER 1:00 IN THE VIDEO.  After Flaco announces that he will continue his career in the MLS, he gets asked which club he is going to — then it gets hilarious.  He simply can’t say “Seattle”.  After several incredibly awkward attempts, he just says “the team is in the State of Washington” which he follows with a pause and then “and sincerely, I don’t know too much about it.”  Just awesome.

Posted by Lazar

Good Times

I know many of you probably hate these guys. Real Madrid is not the most beloved club on the planet, and these guys have been symbols of the Evil Empire for over a decade. But with over 1200 games, 30 seasons, and many titles between them, it’s worth pausing to reflect on their contributions, especially Guti’s.

No one will argue that Raul has been the more successful of the two, but I’m sure I’m not the only Madrid fan who will miss Guti quite a bit more. The fact that politics kept Raul in the lineup much longer than his talent should have, that he kept choking with the national team, and that he starting pointing to his own name on the back of his jersey after scoring kind of ruined it for me. Don’t tell my pops, but Iniesta has moved ahead of Raul in my personal heroes ranking (My dad is so Madrid that he only reluctantly admits that Iniesta is “decent”, and thinks Iker was Spain’s tournament MVP this summer.)

Ah, but Guti. He may be a total prick, but what a stylish ballplayer. Is there anything more beautiful in football than the long through ball on the ground? Guti had it down. The little reverse pass to the right while looking left? Nobody did it better. And all of it done with an aloof and unhurried style. Every time they fired a coach, the new guy would send Guti to the bench, but it was never long before he re-emerged. Yeah, he didn’t tackle, or run very much, or play where his manager wanted, but it didn’t matter. The team always played better with him spraying passes around. Well, at least they attacked better.

Here’s a little compilation of Guti’s passes over the years that captures his essence as a footballer. That back heel to Zidane at 0:24 is just bananas.

Finally, it’s worth pointing out that he was the last of the canteranos in the team, aside from Iker. While Barca continues to fill their first team with products from La Masia, Guti is the last outfield player from the youth team to make a lasting contribution at Madrid, and his debut was 15 years ago.

Not sure where he’s going just yet, whether it be Dubai, Besiktas, or maybe he’ll just devote himself to club-hopping full time. Whatever it is: Adios amigo, que te vaya bien…

Posted by Alain

It’s clear that there is an alternative agenda here.  Obviously, Man City are looking for some more depth on their roster, and this is a poorly-disguised scouting trip.   We all know that Wayne Bridge is crap at left back.  I’ve gotten a report that the below youngster may have already been “tapped up” (as in Ashley Cole, not Michael Jackson, you dirty minds) to give Bridge some competition for the position.  Please note that the youngster, who clearly has excellent ball skills, is already wearing the team uniform.  And don’t try arguing that he can’t play left back because the picture shows he is right-footed — we all know that’s all the rage now.

Wayne Bridge's competition?

Some other rumors have gotten out and it appears that the above bowl-haircutted Beatle-impersonator (now wouldn’t THAT be a smack in the face of Liverpool fans) is not the only one in deep, deep negotiations to join the oil-funded soccer team.  We have heard reports that a young Latin long-haired starlet might be in the team’s plans to play off Tevez as part a pair of tricky forwards.  This blogger obtained some additional photographic evidence that does seem to support this hypothesis.  Please note the below picture in which a happy young girl appears to be celebrating something (a pre-contract, perhaps?) while other young talents seem miffed (at not being selected? — could also be that they expected to meet someone more famous than Pablo Zabaleta).  You be the judge.

But will she get along with Tevez?

One question I have is whether her clearly fiery disposition will cause problems in the dressing room.  Robinho and Adebayor, for all their talents, have failed at Man City for reasons related to personality.  What’s going to happen in the clubhouse when she wants to change the television channel to watch Dora the Explorer?   Things will be very interesting for Roberto Mancini.

I’ll be at the Man City-Red Bulls game this weekend, so I’ll be sure to report any developments with this story.  I’m also interested to see how Henry and Shay Given get along.  I need to find a green tee shirt to wear to the game…

Posted by Lazar

Hopefully, Liverpool shirts aren't One Size Fits All

And what am I left with now? Ooooh, Joe Cole signed for Liverpool. Snore. My team Barcelona got rid of one of my favorite players, Yaya Toure, and replaced him with a guy who looks like he’s wearing a wig. Sigh. And I’m having mixed feelings about being a Barcelona fan these days. We are just too good. I preferred them when they were the slight underdog. The late 1990s Barca, which won a couple leagues but self-destructed in the Champions League was my ish. They got your hopes up on the weekend that they were wonderful and then got hammered by teams like PSV Eindhoven on Wednesday nights. Then there were some horribly dark years when I poked pins at my Patrick Kluivert voodoo doll every time he missed a sitter from six yards out but didn’t look to sad, because hey!, he was out in the Barcelona clubs every night and living it up anyway. And don’t even get me started on Fabio Rochemback.

Head down, ready to hoof it into oblivion

Extended digression: For all of you new fans who loved Ronaldinho and love Messi, just know that we once had to suffer through a disaster named Fabio Rochemback. I was once visiting the part of my family that lives in Barcelona (the reason I’m a fan) and we were watching an already-eliminated Barca play their final CL group game against Newcastle in around 2002 (you know you are a real fan when you watch a meaningless Barca-Newcastle game on TV when you could be out and about at night in Barcelona) when Rochemback blasted a ball in the 79th row, when my cousin’s boyfriend Marc screamed “!Pero ese tío es el anti-futbol!” (“That dude is the anti-soccer!” – it’s funnier-sounding in Spanish.)  But the horizons are beginning to brighten up a bit. I passed by a replay of a Barca-Sevilla game from last season on GolTV last night and forgot that the quality of play of top European teams is a LOT better than anything at the World Cup. And this Sunday I’m accompanying Cass and others to see his beloved Man City Oilers against Thierry Henry’s Red Bulls, with some Sporting Lisbon v. Tottenham Hotspurs (mmmnn, Luka Modric) sprinkled on a double scoop of soccer friendly action. And in a month, everything will be back to normal.

Posted by Lazar

I’m in the process of conducting a personal cleansing — World Cup out, club soccer back in — and will be back within a day or two with more.  Much love, LT.

Posted by Lazar

What Monday brings

But we still have  a couple games to live for.  There’s the strange game for third place, in which my Uruguay will take on the Germans, and more importantly, we get the culminating joy of the World Cup final on Sunday.  This year, we get Holland, and team that is solid and dangerous on the counterattack, against Spain, the team closest to Holland from the 1970s and late 1980s-early ’90s, all lovely touches and flair.  Yes, I know it’s not a perfect comparison (Holland don’t just counter, and Spain have a much tougher spine), but it’s close.  It seems like everyone loves Holland because of who they used to be.  And hey, they used to be great.  Really great.

But this team is different.  Obviously, I’m biased because they beat Uruguay, but they feature a real nasty player in Mark Van Bommel, and three complete jerks in Arjen Robben, Wesley Sneijder, and Robin van Persie.  I know, their personalities, shouldn’t matter, but they do.  Just look at Holland’s second goal against Uruguay.  Regardless of whether it was offside, the way Sneijder takes it off the foot of Kuyt, is just kind of ugly.

Then look at Spain.  You liked Marco Van Basten, then you’ll love David Villa.  Into Ruud Gullit?  Spain has Iniesta.  Fond of Frank Rijkaard?  Well, I can’t help you with the porn moustache (Holland’s Nigel De Jong is the only one keeping this alive), but Spain’s got Xabi Alonso. 

Oh, and did I mention that Spain have the best midfielder in the world?  That’s right, there’s also Xavi.  Xavi used to get no credit whatsoever, then he got a lot of it in the two year period beginning with Euro 2008, and now I think we are back to underestimating him.  (Admittedly, I had not put him in any of my 17 iterations of World Cups XIs.)  I heard a lot of garbage about how Bastian Schweinsteiger and Mesut Oooeeeziil were the best midfielders in the tournament.  Puh-effing-lease.   When they were all on the field together yesterday, Xavi was dominant.   He hasn’t run the most overall at this World Cup, but he’s run the most distance with the ball at his feet (over 16 miles — yikes).  He completed 106 passes on Wednesday, 20 more than anyone else.  But more importantly, he looked in complete control of the proceedings at all times, whereas Schweinsteiger (which means “pig mounter” in German”) looked like someone who just recently started playing soccer, and Mesut Oooeeezziiil looked like a lost little boy at a mall who couldn’t find his mommy (that is actually what his name means in Turkish — weird, I know).

Xavi and the ball in another shameless public display of affection

I used to enjoy just watching players like Zidane, Francescoli and Riquelme run around and make their touches – I could not have cared less about what else was going on in the game.  Those guys just touched the ball differently — they kind of caressed it.  Xavi’s the man for that now.  Do yourself a favor and just watch him alone for a few minutes on Sunday.  His actions look effortless, but it’s really just efficiency and a very close, personal relationship with the ball.  (Here’s a nice clip of all of his touches from the Euro 2008 final to see what I’m talking about.  There’s only about 76 other related clips on Youtube.)

Enjoy the game, and don’t get caught up in history or the big names.  Holland, Schmolland.  People joke that rooting against Spain is rooting against all that is good in the world.  Well, it’s true.  So support Holland if you want.  But what will you tell your children?

As for Monday, I’ll be back here in some feeble effort to provide a semblance of hope to the world.  It’s the least I can do. 

Posted by Lazar