No More Onion Bags

The End of an Era

// July 26th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

These are bittersweet times for the Madridistas among us. With Mourinho, things are looking up. We’re all hoping we’ll actually be able to beat Barca in our own stadium, or at least get past the round of 16 in the Champions League. But before we look too far ahead, it’s time to pour some on the floor for the brothers who ain’t here. Guti and Raul are (finally) leaving the club.

Good Times

I know many of you probably hate these guys. Real Madrid is not the most beloved club on the planet, and these guys have been symbols of the Evil Empire for over a decade. But with over 1200 games, 30 seasons, and many titles between them, it’s worth pausing to reflect on their contributions, especially Guti’s.

No one will argue that Raul has been the more successful of the two, but I’m sure I’m not the only Madrid fan who will miss Guti quite a bit more. The fact that politics kept Raul in the lineup much longer than his talent should have, that he kept choking with the national team, and that he starting pointing to his own name on the back of his jersey after scoring kind of ruined it for me. Don’t tell my pops, but Iniesta has moved ahead of Raul in my personal heroes ranking (My dad is so Madrid that he only reluctantly admits that Iniesta is “decent”, and thinks Iker was Spain’s tournament MVP this summer.)

Ah, but Guti. He may be a total prick, but what a stylish ballplayer. Is there anything more beautiful in football than the long through ball on the ground? Guti had it down. The little reverse pass to the right while looking left? Nobody did it better. And all of it done with an aloof and unhurried style. Every time they fired a coach, the new guy would send Guti to the bench, but it was never long before he re-emerged. Yeah, he didn’t tackle, or run very much, or play where his manager wanted, but it didn’t matter. The team always played better with him spraying passes around. Well, at least they attacked better.

Here’s a little compilation of Guti’s passes over the years that captures his essence as a footballer. That back heel to Zidane at 0:24 is just bananas.

Finally, it’s worth pointing out that he was the last of the canteranos in the team, aside from Iker. While Barca continues to fill their first team with products from La Masia, Guti is the last outfield player from the youth team to make a lasting contribution at Madrid, and his debut was 15 years ago.

Not sure where he’s going just yet, whether it be Dubai, Besiktas, or maybe he’ll just devote himself to club-hopping full time. Whatever it is: Adios amigo, que te vaya bien…

Posted by Alain

Man City Takes Manhattan

// July 23rd, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

First the Muppets, now Man City.  The Sky Blues are in New York City for a few days to play a couple of exhibitions and show the world they are now a force to be reckoned with.  They even did a bit of charity, in which they built a rooftop soccer field on an elementary school in Spanish Harlem.

It’s clear that there is an alternative agenda here.  Obviously, Man City are looking for some more depth on their roster, and this is a poorly-disguised scouting trip.   We all know that Wayne Bridge is crap at left back.  I’ve gotten a report that the below youngster may have already been “tapped up” (as in Ashley Cole, not Michael Jackson, you dirty minds) to give Bridge some competition for the position.  Please note that the youngster, who clearly has excellent ball skills, is already wearing the team uniform.  And don’t try arguing that he can’t play left back because the picture shows he is right-footed — we all know that’s all the rage now.

Wayne Bridge's competition?

Some other rumors have gotten out and it appears that the above bowl-haircutted Beatle-impersonator (now wouldn’t THAT be a smack in the face of Liverpool fans) is not the only one in deep, deep negotiations to join the oil-funded soccer team.  We have heard reports that a young Latin long-haired starlet might be in the team’s plans to play off Tevez as part a pair of tricky forwards.  This blogger obtained some additional photographic evidence that does seem to support this hypothesis.  Please note the below picture in which a happy young girl appears to be celebrating something (a pre-contract, perhaps?) while other young talents seem miffed (at not being selected? — could also be that they expected to meet someone more famous than Pablo Zabaleta).  You be the judge.

But will she get along with Tevez?

One question I have is whether her clearly fiery disposition will cause problems in the dressing room.  Robinho and Adebayor, for all their talents, have failed at Man City for reasons related to personality.  What’s going to happen in the clubhouse when she wants to change the television channel to watch Dora the Explorer?   Things will be very interesting for Roberto Mancini.

I’ll be at the Man City-Red Bulls game this weekend, so I’ll be sure to report any developments with this story.  I’m also interested to see how Henry and Shay Given get along.  I need to find a green tee shirt to wear to the game…

Posted by Lazar

Hangover Recovery

// July 20th, 2010 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized

Hopefully, Liverpool shirts aren't One Size Fits All

And what am I left with now? Ooooh, Joe Cole signed for Liverpool. Snore. My team Barcelona got rid of one of my favorite players, Yaya Toure, and replaced him with a guy who looks like he’s wearing a wig. Sigh. And I’m having mixed feelings about being a Barcelona fan these days. We are just too good. I preferred them when they were the slight underdog. The late 1990s Barca, which won a couple leagues but self-destructed in the Champions League was my ish. They got your hopes up on the weekend that they were wonderful and then got hammered by teams like PSV Eindhoven on Wednesday nights. Then there were some horribly dark years when I poked pins at my Patrick Kluivert voodoo doll every time he missed a sitter from six yards out but didn’t look to sad, because hey!, he was out in the Barcelona clubs every night and living it up anyway. And don’t even get me started on Fabio Rochemback.

Head down, ready to hoof it into oblivion

Extended digression: For all of you new fans who loved Ronaldinho and love Messi, just know that we once had to suffer through a disaster named Fabio Rochemback. I was once visiting the part of my family that lives in Barcelona (the reason I’m a fan) and we were watching an already-eliminated Barca play their final CL group game against Newcastle in around 2002 (you know you are a real fan when you watch a meaningless Barca-Newcastle game on TV when you could be out and about at night in Barcelona) when Rochemback blasted a ball in the 79th row, when my cousin’s boyfriend Marc screamed “!Pero ese tío es el anti-futbol!” (“That dude is the anti-soccer!” – it’s funnier-sounding in Spanish.)  But the horizons are beginning to brighten up a bit. I passed by a replay of a Barca-Sevilla game from last season on GolTV last night and forgot that the quality of play of top European teams is a LOT better than anything at the World Cup. And this Sunday I’m accompanying Cass and others to see his beloved Man City Oilers against Thierry Henry’s Red Bulls, with some Sporting Lisbon v. Tottenham Hotspurs (mmmnn, Luka Modric) sprinkled on a double scoop of soccer friendly action. And in a month, everything will be back to normal.

Posted by Lazar

More Despair

// July 13th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

So, in addition to the despair associated with World Cup being over, NMOB! is suffering from sadness from beign attacked yet again by nasty hackers.  We are back on our feet, but are very sorry to say that the site lost all login info in the reboot, so you’ll have to re-register.  For that, I deeply apologize.

I’m in the process of conducting a personal cleansing — World Cup out, club soccer back in — and will be back within a day or two with more.  Much love, LT.

Posted by Lazar

Darkness Awaits, But First There’s Xavi

// July 8th, 2010 // 6 Comments » // Uncategorized

Sunday will be the last happy day in our lives until June 2014.   For three years and 11 months we will have to pretend we care about things like club soccer, our real jobs, and our social lives.  We might even get all pseudo-worked up about an election or an upcoming vacation (“We are going to Iceland next week — I am so excited!”  No you’re not, stop lying.  You’d rather be watching Japan-Denmark with the the Albanian building maintenance guy  in your office’s lunchroom.  Even if all he does is endlessly repeat ”Brazil is da best.  No one plays like Brazil.  You see what I mean?”  Sigh.)

What Monday brings

But we still have  a couple games to live for.  There’s the strange game for third place, in which my Uruguay will take on the Germans, and more importantly, we get the culminating joy of the World Cup final on Sunday.  This year, we get Holland, and team that is solid and dangerous on the counterattack, against Spain, the team closest to Holland from the 1970s and late 1980s-early ’90s, all lovely touches and flair.  Yes, I know it’s not a perfect comparison (Holland don’t just counter, and Spain have a much tougher spine), but it’s close.  It seems like everyone loves Holland because of who they used to be.  And hey, they used to be great.  Really great.

But this team is different.  Obviously, I’m biased because they beat Uruguay, but they feature a real nasty player in Mark Van Bommel, and three complete jerks in Arjen Robben, Wesley Sneijder, and Robin van Persie.  I know, their personalities, shouldn’t matter, but they do.  Just look at Holland’s second goal against Uruguay.  Regardless of whether it was offside, the way Sneijder takes it off the foot of Kuyt, is just kind of ugly.

Then look at Spain.  You liked Marco Van Basten, then you’ll love David Villa.  Into Ruud Gullit?  Spain has Iniesta.  Fond of Frank Rijkaard?  Well, I can’t help you with the porn moustache (Holland’s Nigel De Jong is the only one keeping this alive), but Spain’s got Xabi Alonso. 

Oh, and did I mention that Spain have the best midfielder in the world?  That’s right, there’s also Xavi.  Xavi used to get no credit whatsoever, then he got a lot of it in the two year period beginning with Euro 2008, and now I think we are back to underestimating him.  (Admittedly, I had not put him in any of my 17 iterations of World Cups XIs.)  I heard a lot of garbage about how Bastian Schweinsteiger and Mesut Oooeeeziil were the best midfielders in the tournament.  Puh-effing-lease.   When they were all on the field together yesterday, Xavi was dominant.   He hasn’t run the most overall at this World Cup, but he’s run the most distance with the ball at his feet (over 16 miles — yikes).  He completed 106 passes on Wednesday, 20 more than anyone else.  But more importantly, he looked in complete control of the proceedings at all times, whereas Schweinsteiger (which means “pig mounter” in German”) looked like someone who just recently started playing soccer, and Mesut Oooeeezziiil looked like a lost little boy at a mall who couldn’t find his mommy (that is actually what his name means in Turkish — weird, I know).

Xavi and the ball in another shameless public display of affection

I used to enjoy just watching players like Zidane, Francescoli and Riquelme run around and make their touches – I could not have cared less about what else was going on in the game.  Those guys just touched the ball differently — they kind of caressed it.  Xavi’s the man for that now.  Do yourself a favor and just watch him alone for a few minutes on Sunday.  His actions look effortless, but it’s really just efficiency and a very close, personal relationship with the ball.  (Here’s a nice clip of all of his touches from the Euro 2008 final to see what I’m talking about.  There’s only about 76 other related clips on Youtube.)

Enjoy the game, and don’t get caught up in history or the big names.  Holland, Schmolland.  People joke that rooting against Spain is rooting against all that is good in the world.  Well, it’s true.  So support Holland if you want.  But what will you tell your children?

As for Monday, I’ll be back here in some feeble effort to provide a semblance of hope to the world.  It’s the least I can do. 

Posted by Lazar

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

// July 6th, 2010 // 13 Comments » // Uncategorized

**Update** You can listen to my Uruguay post-mortem on The People’s Game at http://archive.kpfk.org/parchive/m3u.php?mp3fil=27811

Yeah, we put up a good fight.  Yeah, we scored at the end to make sure we went out with our heads held as high as possible.  And yeah, they are dancing in the streets in Montevideo today, just as much as after the Ghana game.

But I can’t help thinking that we could have gotten to the final.  The first Dutch goal came after a horrible foul by Vam Bommel on Gargano that wasn’t called.  The second Dutch goal was probably offsides.  Worse, Uruguay got called for 2-3 offsides in the first half when they were clearly on-side.   (FIFA?)  And I’m still waiting to see a replay of that final play that came off Van Persie’s head or hand, I’m not sure which. 

We suffered today without Suarez and Fucile (Victorino had a good game in place of Lugano).  And we kept three defensive midfielders in the second half, when the Dutch, to their credit, put on Ven der Vaart for De Zeeuuwweeuuww (or however the heck you spell that guy’s name).  I feel  a little like we played not to lose, when we could have played to win.  For goodness sake, we were playing with house money.  Why not go for it, at least in the second half?  I guess that once you get close, you start to feel like you almost have it, and the worry about losing something takes over.  I would have preferred that we went all out in a blaze of glory.

But the team gave us some moments: Forlan’s goals and leadership, Perez’s bloody determination, Muslera’s confident stops, Maxi’s endless running, Rios’ everywhere-ness, Abreu’s penalty, Suarez’s goal against South Korea… it was wonderful.  They made us proud.  And just you wait, because in four years, the World Cup is in Brazil — and we know a thing or two about winning the World Cup in Brazil.

Posted by Lazar

Why Uruguay?

// July 5th, 2010 // 15 Comments » // Uncategorized

Jump on board the bandwagon!

There are four teams left, and odds are, your team is out of it.  The USA and England are long gone.  Ireland never made it.   If you like frontrunners, Brazil and Argentina have left you high and dry.  And now you feel empty.  Well, I’ve got a solution for you.  Root for Uruguay.  Here are the top ten reasons why:

**Update**  Here’s reason #11.  FIFA doesn’t want Uruguay in the final.  They wanted Ghana in the semis (here is proof: http://www.teledoce.com/noticia/10124_La-batalla-celeste-frente-a-Ghana/) and they want Holland in the final.  Eff FIFA.  Root for Uruguay.

10. Do you really want to root for a gigantic European power when you can root for a tiny country of three million? 

9. Holland are a bunch of jerks.

8. Diego Forlan and his girlfriend are models of fitness and healthy living.

7 . Germany bombed your granny.

6. Uruguay started the French downfall.

5. Uruguay is playing without its captain, best scorer, and best fullback.  We need the help!

4. Spain is too good.  And David Villa’s soul patch is annoying.

3. We’ve got really nice jerseys.

2. Abreu’s penalty.

1. Fate is on our side! 

So, please, come on and get on board the Uruguay bandwagon.  We offer fine food, wonderful people, and no pressure, because we are playing with house money.  If we beat the obnoxious Dutch, who also lose big matches, then we get Suarez and Fucile back and get to take on an even bigger power in Germany or Spain.  And anything can happen in one game.  It’s a high risk, high return strategy, but isn’t that what living is all about?  For once in your life, live a little! 

Posted by Lazar

Greatest. Penalty. Ever.

// July 3rd, 2010 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Some people still appear to be mired in the Luis Suarez debate that I still don’t understand (in addition to the rules issue, it shouldn’t have even been a penalty because Appiah was WAY offside), but I want to make sure we don’t forget about one of the other greatest moments in World Cup history: Sebastian Abreu’s game-winning penalty. 

In real time, it seemed to take forever, at least for me.  What nerve, to pull off a Panenka as the final moment in a World Cup quarterfinal.  Yes, the original was special, and yes, Zidane did one in the World Cup final, but this was greater, for two reasons.

First, the irony of it all.  Asamoah Gyan had just missed a penalty to win the game because he was way too nervous.  As soon as the ref blows the whistle he is off to the races — he can’t get the experience over with quickly enough.  No composure at all.  So, in a sense, Abreu was showing him up.  Yikes.

Second, neither Panenka or Zidane were well-known worldwide for taking penalties like that — they had the element of surprise.  But Abreu who has a massive Youtube library of taking penalties exactly like that.  Here’s a clip of him doing the same thing a few months ago.  And here’s another one. And another.  Yawn.  And another.  Hey, Oliver Twist, would you like some more?  Really, for him to do it again made it even more special.

We’ll be on to the Uruguay-Holland analysis soon (and it doesn’t look good for us, without Suarez, Fucile, Lodeiro, Lugano, and probably Godin — jeez, that’s like half our team), but I’m still savoring that chip for a little longer.  Yum.

Posted by Lazar

Suffering, and Fairness

// July 2nd, 2010 // 13 Comments » // Uncategorized

**Second Update** Now everyone really needs to stop whining, because it should not have been a penalty at all against Uruguay.  Appiah was offside: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaV46PmyvOU

**Update** All those who are calling Luis Suarez a cheater are out of their minds.  The result is not unfair.  A handball is a foul.  If it’s in the box, it gets a penalty. If it’s the last man, it gets a red card. Just like any other foul. Uruguay was rightfully punished.  Uruguay did not complain. Ghana could not take advantage.  Unfair would have been if the foul was not called.  Please stop whining.

This is me.

It got better

Posted by Lazar

Vamos Uruguay

// July 1st, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s time.

Posted by Lazar